Many people are always ready to eat prepared food because people are very lazy. But this will definitely lead to bad results.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay effectively addresses the topic of prepared food and its negative consequences, highlighting relevant points about health and budget. Key strengths include a clear stance on the issue and a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more depth in argumentation, such as specific examples or data to strengthen claims. Additionally, the flow of ideas could be enhanced with better transitions between points, and spelling and grammatical errors detract from the overall quality. Structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, improving grammatical accuracy, and enhancing coherence by adjusting sentence structures and transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples or statistics to support claims and varying sentence structures for greater complexity. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and transitions between points could be improved. For instance, using cohesive devices like 'furthermore' or 'in addition' would enhance the logical progression of ideas.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay demonstrates some grammatical range, but there are numerous errors in subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'many of peoples are prefers'), verb forms, and sentence structure. These mistakes affect clarity and accuracy. More attention to grammatical rules and varied sentence structures would enhance the writing.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'peoples', 'prepered', 'resturants', 'convenyent', 'beleive', 'habbit', 'consekwenses', 'ingredints', 'affect', 'Resturant', 'concusion', 'ingredints'). These errors detract from the overall quality. A wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices would improve the score.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the topic of prepared food and its negative consequences, providing relevant points about health and budget. However, it lacks depth in argumentation and could benefit from more specific examples or data to strengthen the claims. Additionally, the introduction could be clearer in stating the main argument.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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