Many people argue that what sets today's young people apart from their parents' and grandparents' generations is their lack of physical activity. The younger generation spends excessive time playing computer games, engaging in social media conversations, or watching television, rather than participating in active pursuits. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

I strongly agree that young people nowadays do less exercise than older generations. This essay will explain my thoughts about this problem and why I think it is happening. The biggest reason why we do less sports is becausethat we have many different forms of entertainments at home. When I was a small child, my mother always tellold me stories about how she played outside with friends every day after school, but now everything has changed. I spend a lot of time playing games on my computer because they are very interesting, and all my friends also do this. Sometimes we play together online, but we never meet to play football like our parents did. A Furthermore, another thingfactor that makes young people less active is that we use phones all the time. Every day I check Instagram and TikTok many times, and when I start watching videos, I cannot stop. My grandmother sayid she never understood why we look at our phones so much, but for me and my friends, it is a normal thing to do. We prefer to chat on WhatsApp rather than go outside and doengage in some activities. However, I think it is not completely our fault that we exercise less. The world is different now, and we havface more pressure from school and study. When my father was young, he had more free time to play sports, but now I must study very hard to getachieve good grades. Alsodditionally, in many cities, there are not many places where young people can doparticipate in sports safely. In conclusion, I believe that the younger generation definitely doengages in less physical activitiesy than their parents and grandparents did. While technology and social media are the main reasons for this, we should also consider that lifestyle and educational requirements have changed a lot. Maybesignificantly. Perhaps we need to find new ways to balance screen time with exercise that fit with modern life.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position that agrees with the statement regarding young people's exercise habits. Key strengths include a logical structure and relevant examples that illustrate the impact of technology and lifestyle changes. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in verb tenses, and the use of more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. The essay could benefit from more sophisticated transitions between ideas to enhance coherence. Structural changes made include correcting verb tenses and enhancing transitions for better flow. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include incorporating specific examples or statistics to support claims and using a wider range of vocabulary. The tone is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and analytical style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, contributing to the overall argument. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved; for instance, transitions between ideas could be more varied to enhance flow. Phrases like 'Another thing that' could be replaced with more sophisticated connectors.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors that affect clarity, such as 'my mother always tell me' (should be 'told') and 'my grandmother say' (should be 'said'). These errors, while not overly distracting, indicate a need for more careful proofreading. More complex sentence structures could also be employed to enhance the overall grammatical range.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some effective expressions such as 'excessive time' and 'pressure from school.' However, there are instances of repetition, such as the frequent use of 'young people' and 'play.' To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or more varied phrases to demonstrate a wider lexical range.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear position that agrees with the statement. It develops main ideas with relevant examples, such as the impact of technology and changes in lifestyle. However, the argument could be strengthened with more specific examples or statistics to support the claims made.
7.5

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