Many people around the world want to visit and to experience Saudi Arabia. What are the main benefit of visiting Saudi Arabia? What are the key problems that tourist may face?

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Many people in the world are want to go and visit in Saudi Arabia because they want to experience. There is manyto experience its unique offerings. There are numerous benefit ofs to going to Saudi Arabia. I will discuss about the benefit and the problemthe advantages and the challenges that tourists might face when they will gotravel there. The main benefits of visiting Saudi Arabia are that there is manyits rich history and culture things to seeal attractions. For examples, there is the holy mosque in Mecca is a significant site where many Muslims go for pilgrim. There is alsoage. Additionally, there are many other mosques and buildings that isare very old and have a lot of history behind ithem. Tourists can go and see this buildingexplore these sites and learn about the culture and the history of the Saudi people. In additionFurthermore, the food in Saudi Arabia is very delicious and unique, soallowing tourist cans to try the local fooddishes and enjoy. a different culinary experience. However, there isare also some problems that tourists may faced when they go to Saudi Arabia. One problemissue is that the weather is vercan be extremely hot and dry, so tourists need to be careful and, drink lotsplenty of water, and stay in the shade. Another problems is that the culture is veryquite different from that of many other countryies, so tourist need tos must be respectful and follow the local customs, likesuch as dressing modestly and notrefraining from drinking alcohol. If tourists are not careful and respectful, they may offend the local people and get in trouble. encounter difficulties. In conclusion, I thinkbelieve that visiting Saudi Arabia haveoffers many benefits for tourists, like seesuch as experiencing theits history and culture and trying the food. Butlocal food. However, tourists also need to be aware of the potential problemchallenges and be respectful of the local customs. If touristhey do this, they will have a great time and learn a lot from their visit to Saudi Arabia.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task by discussing both the benefits and challenges of visiting Saudi Arabia. Key strengths include the identification of relevant points and a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more depth in the analysis of benefits and challenges, as well as grammatical accuracy and vocabulary variety. Structural changes made include improving transitions between paragraphs and enhancing the clarity of ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific examples and elaborating on the significance of cultural sites. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas could be improved with better transitions between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, the transition from discussing benefits to problems is abrupt. Using cohesive devices such as 'furthermore' or 'on the other hand' could enhance the clarity of the argument.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('are want' should be 'want'), incorrect article usage ('the culture is very different from many other country' should be 'countries'), and awkward sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'there is many benefit' and 'the culture is very different from many other country.' The writer could improve by using a wider range of vocabulary and avoiding redundancy. For example, instead of repeating 'many,' synonyms like 'numerous' or 'various' could be used.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both the benefits and problems of visiting Saudi Arabia. However, it lacks depth in the analysis of the benefits and problems, and some points are not fully developed. For example, the mention of the holy mosque in Mecca could be expanded with more details about its significance. To improve, the writer should provide more specific examples and elaborate on the points made.
5.0

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."