Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In my opinion i, I agreed that sites of social networking like Facebook have biga significant negative aeffect foron individual persons and the whole society. There are severeal reasons why iI think like this, and iI will explaine them in a detailed way. First of all, social networks take a lot of time from people's lifves. Instead of meeting friends or family members in realperson, many personople spend hours afterupon hours on Facebook and other sameimilar sites. They become addicted to scrolling throught posts, photos, and videos, often of people which they barely knows. This leads to wasting the time, that could be spendt in much more productive ways, for example, learning a new skill or doengaging in sports activityies. Secondly, iI believe that social media haves a very bad influence foron the mental health of people, especially young ones. Constantly watching the ideal lifves of others can caused feelings of loneliness, envy, and depression. Many researchstudies show that the more time we spending on Facebook, the more unhappyier we feell. Moreover, cyberbullying is a very big problem of thisthese days. Nasty comments and messages can really destroy lifethe lives of sensitive personindividuals. On the other hand, we must addmit that social networks also have some positive impacts. They allow us to stay in touch with family and friend thats who live far away. We can share our lifves with them and be a part of their lifves too. However, in my opinion, thisese advantages are not as significant as all the drawbacks mentioned before. In conclusion, iI strongly believe that athe effect of social media is more negative thean positive. We should focus more on real relationships and hobbies, instead of wasting time online.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear opinion on the negative impact of social networking sites, which is a key strength. The structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy and lexical resource. The writer should focus on proofreading to eliminate grammatical errors and enhance vocabulary usage to avoid repetition and misuse of words. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better transitions, and refining vocabulary for clarity. Further improvements could include providing specific examples or statistics to support claims and a more balanced discussion of both sides before concluding. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and analytical style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas could be improved with better use of cohesive devices. For instance, transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. Using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' would enhance the coherence of the argument.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'i agreed' should be 'I agree', 'have big negative affect' should be 'have a significant negative effect'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and misuse of words (e.g., 'affect' should be 'effect', 'severel' should be 'several'). The writer could benefit from using a wider range of vocabulary and more precise language to convey their ideas more effectively. For example, instead of 'big negative affect', they could say 'significant negative impact'.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear opinion on the negative impact of social networking sites. However, it lacks depth in developing the main ideas and providing specific examples. To improve, the writer could include more detailed examples or statistics to support their claims, as well as a more balanced discussion of both sides before concluding.
6.0

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