Many people believe that zoos have no purpose in today's world and should be closed. What problems do zoos bring? What are the alternatives to zoos if they are closed?

Part 2
4.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In dthis modern world, a lot of peoplse think zoo iss are not important and must close. I agree with dthis idea because zoos bring many problems for animals and humans. DThere are also good alternateives for zoos if govthe government decides to close dthem. First of all, zoos isare bad places for wild aminnimals. DThey are locked in small areas and cannot run and hunt like in their natural habitat. DThis causes great suffering and sadness to dthem. Also, sometimes zoos dont giv not provide proper food or care to animals, so dthey become sick and die early. Lot ofMany zoos keep animals in dirty conditions widthout clean water. DThis kind of situation would never happen in the wild. Secondly, zoos also create trouble tofor humans. Many times, animals exscape from their cages and attack visitors, causing injuryies and even deadth. In addistion, zoos can spread dieseases from sick aminnimals to humans, especially childrens who hasve weak immune systems. Many people also don not like to see wild aminnimals living in artifishcial envirominments, so dthey don not want to visit zoos and waiste money. I think zoos isare not a good use of taxpayers' money for dthis reason. However, if zoos isare closed, dthere isare some options to replace dthem. One good alternative is wildlife sanctuaryies where aminnimals can live in more natural surround andings with plenty of spasce. People can still see dthem but from a safe distant. Govce. The government can also invest money in conserbvation programs to protect aminnimals in the wild instead of putting dthem in zoos. DThis will help to maintain the ecosystem and biodiversity on eEarth. In conclusion, I strongly believe dthat zoos doing more harm dthan good in today's world. DThey are cruel to aminnimals and also pose dangers for humans visiting dthem. We have much better alternateives like wildlife sancturyaries and conserbvation projektcts. It is importeant dthat we take steps to phase out zoos and focus on protecting aminnimals in detheir true habitats.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear argument against zoos, highlighting the negative impacts on both animals and humans, and suggesting viable alternatives. Key strengths of the essay include a clear stance on the issue and a logical structure with distinct paragraphs for each main point. The writer effectively communicates their ideas, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument. Critical areas for improvement include the need for more detailed explanations and examples to support the arguments. The vocabulary used is limited, and there are several spelling and grammatical errors that detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. Structural changes made include correcting subject-verb agreement, improving grammatical accuracy, and enhancing the flow of ideas with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples of wildlife sanctuaries or conservation programs, as well as expanding the vocabulary range to include more sophisticated terms. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic setting, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is present but could be improved for better clarity. For instance, using more varied linking words and phrases would enhance the overall coherence.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'zoos is bad place'), incorrect verb forms, and awkward sentence structures. These errors hinder clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and varying sentence types to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence.
4.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is quite limited and contains several spelling errors (e.g., 'peoplse', 'aminal', 'artifishal'). While some appropriate terms are used, the overall range is insufficient for a higher score. To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider variety of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling, which would enhance the sophistication of the writing.
4.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the problems associated with zoos and suggesting alternatives. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the arguments could be more thoroughly elaborated with specific examples. For improvement, the writer could provide more detailed explanations of the issues and alternatives, such as specific wildlife sanctuaries or conservation programs.
5.0

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