Many people have hobbies that they enjoy doing in their free time. What are some of the reasons people have hobbies? Discuss, giving specific examples to support your answer.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Many personsople have hobbyies that they enjoy very much in theire free hourstime. There is lot ofare many reasons why someone haves a hobby, and I will discuss some ofrom them. One reason is that a hobby can helps to relax and reduce stress after a long day at work or school. For example, my friend Jian likes to do gardening in her free time. She says it helps her to forget about the pressures and feel calm, when she is taking care aboutof the plants and watching them grow. O Another reason for haveing a hobby is to learn new skills or knowledge. Many hobbyies, like playing a musical instrument or painting, require practice and patience to becaome good at them. My brother started to learn guitar last year as a hobby, and now he can play some songs very goodwell. It gives heim a sense of achievement and satisfaction that he is learning something new. In conclusion, there isare different reasons why a person chooses to have a hobby in theire free time. It can be for relax,ation, to learn new things, or just for enjoyment. No matter the reasons, having a hobby is a great way to spend free time and bring more happiness into life.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task by discussing reasons why people have hobbies and providing specific examples. Key strengths include the identification of relevant examples and a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary range, and clarity of expression. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving phrasing for clarity, and ensuring proper subject-verb agreement. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding on examples with more detail and using a wider range of vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. For instance, 'taking care about the plants' should be 'taking care of the plants.' To enhance coherence, the writer could use more cohesive devices to link ideas smoothly.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('hobby can helps'), incorrect verb forms ('became' instead of 'become'), and awkward constructions. These errors hinder clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on mastering basic grammatical structures and ensuring subject-verb agreement.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of incorrect word forms and spelling errors, such as 'hobbys,' 'there,' and 'became.' The use of phrases like 'sense of achievement' is positive, but the overall range of vocabulary is limited. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct forms and expanding their vocabulary.
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by discussing reasons why people have hobbies, providing specific examples. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and there are instances of vague phrasing, such as 'there is lot of reasons' and 'some from them.' To improve, the writer could provide more detailed examples and ensure clarity in their arguments.
5.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."