Many people nowadays travel abroad for their university education. Why? Would you consider this for yourself?

Part 2
4.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Many peeople in thisthese days travel to other country fories to study at university. This is happening more often than before. There isare a few reasons for ithis, I think. First, to have better educashution from top univercsityies. Second, it is to explore the world and havegain experirence living in another place. The first thing To begin with, many students want gto toattend famous universityies in other countryies becoause they thinkbelieve it means they are more intelligent and can havsecure good jobs after gradute. Likeation, such as at Harvard or Oxford. Some countryies have better educashution siystems than other place. So student wants. Therefore, students aspire to go there to have the best opportunityies for future job. Oemployment. Another reeason is that many students want to see other countryies and have adventures living in new places on theyir own. This gives them new experirences and helps them grow as personindividuals, I think. They can meet new friends from all over the world and learn about other cultures. This is a valuable experirence for life. For me, I woould consider studying in another country if I havd the opportunity. I think it woould be a good way to challenjge myself and learn new things. ButHowever, it also depends on the situashun. Like iftion, such as whether I have enuffough money or if my family is ok withsupportive of it. Overall, I thinkbelieve it is a good thing for peeople to study in other countryies if they want to and canare able to do so.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and addresses the prompt by discussing reasons why people travel abroad for university education, along with a personal perspective. Key strengths include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more depth in the development of ideas, clearer transitions between points, and a wider range of vocabulary with correct spelling. Structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, improving grammatical accuracy, and enhancing coherence by adding transitional phrases. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples to support the points made and varying sentence structures to enhance complexity. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and reflective style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, but the flow of ideas is often disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections. Cohesive devices are used, but they are not varied or effective enough to create a smooth progression of ideas. To improve, the writer should focus on using clearer transitions between points and ensuring that each idea logically follows the previous one.
4.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with frequent errors in verb forms, subject-verb agreement, and sentence construction (e.g., 'this happning', 'many student want go'). These errors affect the overall clarity and accuracy of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical forms and varying sentence structures to enhance complexity.
4.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is quite basic and contains several spelling errors (e.g., 'peeple', 'educashun', 'expirence'). While some relevant terms are present, the overall range is limited, and the frequent misspellings detract from the clarity of the message. To enhance this score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary accurately and check for spelling errors.
4.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing reasons why people travel abroad for university education and includes a personal consideration. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks depth. For improvement, the writer could provide more specific examples and elaborate on the points made, such as detailing the benefits of studying at prestigious universities or the impact of cultural experiences.
5.0

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