Many people think there is a need to stop children from using social media. Do you agree or disagree?

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In recent years, the use of social media has become increasingly popular among children. While some people believe that it is necessary to prevent children from using these platforms, I personally disagree with this view. Firstly, social media can be a valuable tool for children to learn and develop important skills. For example, by using social media, children can learn how to communicate effectively with others, express their thoughts and ideas, and developenhance their creativity through sharing photos, videos, and other content. Additionally, social media can also help children to stay connected with friends and family members who live far away, which can be especially important for childrenthose who may feel isolated or lonely. However, it is also important to recognize that there are potential risks associated with children using social media. For instance, children may be exposed to inappropriate content or cyberbullying, which can have negative impacts on their mental health and well-being. Therefore, it is crucial for parents and caregivers to monitor children's social media use and provide guidance and support to help them navigate these challenges. effectively. In conclusion, while there are valid concerns about children using social media, I believe that the benefits outweigh the risks. By providing children with the tools and support they need to use social media responsibly, we can help them to reap the many benefitadvantages of these platforms while minimizing the potential negative impacts.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates several strengths, including a clear position against restricting children's use of social media and relevant arguments supported by examples. The organization is logical, with smooth transitions between paragraphs, contributing to coherence and cohesion. However, there are critical areas for improvement, such as providing a more balanced discussion of risks with additional examples or elaboration. The vocabulary is generally appropriate, but some repetitive phrases could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical variety. Minor grammatical errors were present, but overall accuracy was high. Structural changes included slight rephrasing for conciseness and variety, particularly in the body paragraphs. For further improvement, the writer could consider incorporating more varied cohesive devices and expanding on the discussion of risks to create a more balanced argument. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and cohesive devices are used effectively to link sentences and ideas. The structure is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both benefits and risks, and a conclusion. Minor improvements could include varying the use of cohesive devices to enhance the overall fluency.
8.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay displays a good range of grammatical structures, with complex sentences and appropriate punctuation. There are only a few minor errors, such as 'which can be especially important for children who may feel isolated or lonely,' which could be more concise. Overall, the grammatical accuracy is high, contributing to the clarity of the writing.
8.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with terms like 'valuable tool,' 'communicate effectively,' and 'navigate challenges' demonstrating a good range. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'children using social media,' which could be replaced with synonyms or rephrased to enhance lexical variety. Overall, the vocabulary is suitable for the task.
7.5
Task Achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position against the idea of stopping children from using social media. It provides relevant arguments and examples to support this stance, such as the development of communication skills and maintaining connections with family. However, the discussion of risks could be more balanced with additional examples or elaboration to strengthen the argument further.
8.0

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