Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Success can meaning different things to diffferent peoples. For some, it referrings to having a lot of money or a good job,; for others, it may bemean having a happy family or doing something they loves. It depending ons on the individual person and what is important for them in theire life. For example, for businessmansen, success often meanings making big profits and expanding theyir company. They working hard for long hours to achievinge this goal. On the other hand, for an artist, success may be creating a beautiful painting or a piece of music that touchinges people's hearts. They do not caringe about money, but about expressing themselfves and bringing joy to others through theire art. In miney opinion, success is about finding happiness and fulfillment in what you doing. It does not necessarily meaning being rich or famous, but rather doing something that you are passionate about and that bringings you a sense of purpose. For me personally, success would be having a job that I enjoying and that allowings me to makinge a positive difference in the lives of others, whether it is through teaching, writing, or volunteering. Of course, achieving success often requiringes hard work and dedication, regardless of what it meanings to you. It is not always an easy path, and there may be many challenges and setbacks along the way. ButHowever, if you truly believinge in what you are doing and are willing to putting in in the effort, then success is possible. In conclusion, success haves different meanings for everyone depending on theyir values and goals in life. Whether it is through career, education, or personal pursuits, what matterings most is finding something that bringings you joy and a sense of accomplishment. With hard work and determination, anyone cans achievinge theyir own version of success.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the varying definitions of success and presenting a personal perspective. Key strengths include a clear understanding of the topic and a personal touch that engages the reader. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, coherence, and the overall structure of the essay. The original essay lacked clear topic sentences and transitions, which have been improved in the corrected version. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include enhancing vocabulary variety and refining sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a balance between personal reflection and general observation.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure, but the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. While there are some cohesive devices used, such as 'on the other hand,' the overall coherence could be enhanced by better linking of ideas and clearer transitions. For instance, using phrases like 'In addition' or 'Furthermore' could help in connecting thoughts more smoothly.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('success can meaning'), incorrect verb forms ('achieving' instead of 'achieve'), and awkward constructions ('it depending on individual person'). These errors affect the clarity of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, with some attempts at variety, such as 'fulfillment,' 'passionate,' and 'dedication.' However, there are several instances of repetition and awkward word choices, such as 'meaning different things' and 'lot of money.' To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and avoid redundancy by using synonyms or rephrasing.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing how success can mean different things to different people and presents a personal view on success. However, the development of ideas could be clearer and more structured. For example, the essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more explicit connections between ideas. To improve, the writer could organize the essay into distinct paragraphs for each main idea.
6.0

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