Many stores sell organic fruits and vegetables (produced without the use of chemical fertilizers, pesticides, and herbicides) even though they often cost more than conventional fruits and vegetables. Why do some people prefer to eat organic food? Do you think organic food is worth the extra cost? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates several strengths, including a clear understanding of the topic and a logical structure that addresses the reasons for preferring organic food. The writer effectively discusses both the benefits and drawbacks of organic food, providing a balanced view. However, there are critical areas for improvement. The grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and awkward phrasing, detract from the overall clarity. The conclusion could also be more decisive in reinforcing the writer's opinion. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more specific examples or data to support the claims made. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving sentence clarity, and enhancing coherence through better transitions. The overall flow of the essay has been maintained while ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details. For further improvements, the writer could focus on expanding their vocabulary to avoid repetition and awkward phrasing. They could also work on providing more specific examples to strengthen their arguments. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects the overall clarity. For instance, phrases like 'a lot of shops they sells' and 'the main reason for eating organic foods is because they is more healthful' disrupt the flow. To enhance coherence, the writer could use clearer transitions between points and ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is well-developed.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('they sells', 'they is'), incorrect verb forms ('do not contains'), and awkward sentence structures. While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structures, the frequency of errors detracts from the overall clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and practicing more complex sentence constructions.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, with some good attempts at more sophisticated language (e.g., 'sustainable way for agriculture production'). However, there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'more better' and 'those type chemicals remain on it.' To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and avoid redundancy, perhaps by using synonyms or varying expressions.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing reasons why people prefer organic food and whether it is worth the extra cost. However, it lacks a clear and consistent position throughout, particularly in the conclusion where the opinion could be more strongly articulated. To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples or data to support their claims, and ensure that the conclusion reinforces their viewpoint more decisively.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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