"Many students find it difficult to focus or pay attention at school nowadays." What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

These days, focusing and paying attention in school is biga significant problem for many students. There havare many reasons why students cannot focus well in the class. I will explain some of thisese reasons and suggest what can tobe do.ne. One major cause is technology and gadgets. Students alwaysre often on their phones or iPads, playing games or chatting with friends, even during teachoer lectures. Social media has made focusit very hard to concentrate. Another reason aris the lifestyle of modern students. Many students do not get enough sleeping or eat unhealthy food. This makes the brain trired and cannotunable to pay attention goodeffectively in school. Family problem likes, such as figthting parents, also make it hard for students to focussing. To solved this issue, both schools and parents must take action. Firstly, schools need to have strict rules about the use of technology in the classroom. Teachers must not allow phones or gadgets, except when needed for study. School also givs should also provide lessons about the importantce of health for good learn, like sleepeffective learning, such as getting enough sleep and eating well. Parents also play biga significant role. They must limit childtheir children's screen time at home and make sureensure that their children have a good routine. Talking with children about problem sos can help ensure that stress does not eaffect school.their school performance. In concludedsion, students lose focus nowsadays because of many distract likeions, such as technology and bad, poor lifestyle orchoices, and family issues. ButHowever, schools and parents can help address this problem with rules and support for healthy routines. If everyone works together, students can improve their focus and learning in the classroom.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by identifying reasons for students' lack of focus and suggesting solutions. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more depth in the development of ideas, such as providing specific examples or statistics to support points. Additionally, the flow of ideas could be enhanced with better transitions and cohesive devices. The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and informal phrases that could be improved with more varied and sophisticated language. Grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and awkward constructions, detract from the overall quality. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples to illustrate points and varying sentence structures for greater complexity. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, but it could benefit from a more formal vocabulary choice in some instances.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be improved. For instance, using cohesive devices like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' would enhance the logical progression of ideas.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('student cannot focus' should be 'students cannot focus') and awkward constructions ('make brain tried'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and ensure subject-verb agreement.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'student' and 'focus'). The use of phrases like 'big problem' and 'make hard' is too informal for an academic essay. To improve, the writer should aim for more varied and sophisticated vocabulary, such as 'significant challenge' or 'difficulties in concentration.'
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by identifying reasons for students' lack of focus and suggesting solutions. However, it lacks depth in the development of ideas and examples. To improve, the writer could provide specific examples or statistics to support their points, and ensure that all parts of the question are fully explored.
5.5

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