Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In today's world, many employees are not doing any exersizcise while working or after it. They are face problems with health beacause of this. There are several reasons for this issue, and some things can doingbe done to solve it. One major reason is that jobs thisese days often require sitting in an office all day with little moovement. People work on computers for long hours, have meetings in conferensce rooms, and eat lunch at their desks. AnoFurther reason ismore, after a long tiring workday, people are too exhausted to go to the gym or doengage in sports. They wanting to relax at home, watch TV, or play video games instead of exercize. Wsing. The working schedule leaves fewlittle time or energy to be active. To address this problem, companies shuould encourage workers to take breaks and moove around during the workday. For example, they cuould have stand-up desk option,s or suggest walking during lunch breaks. They could also provide gym memberships as employee benefits to motoivate exercise after work or on weaekends. GAdditionally, governments could invest in more public parks, and sports facilities to make it easier for busy people to access them. Most importantly, individuals must prioritize they'reir health, even if it is difficult with a busy schedule. Taking small steps like using stairs instead of elevator,s and walking short distances instead of driving, can make a big difference over time. In conclusion, the lack of exersizcise is a serious issue for many employees today because of sedenteary jobs and limited time. ButHowever, with efforts from companies, governments, and indoividuals themselves, it is possible to increase physical activity and improve the health of the working population.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by identifying reasons for the lack of exercise among employees and suggesting potential solutions. Key strengths include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as a logical flow of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more thorough development of ideas, particularly with specific examples and clearer explanations. The use of cohesive devices could be enhanced to improve transitions between ideas. Additionally, spelling and grammatical errors were corrected to enhance clarity and professionalism. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating statistics or specific examples to strengthen arguments and varying vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects overall clarity.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'not doing any exersize', 'they are face problem'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors hinder the overall effectiveness of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'exersize', 'beacuse', 'moovment', 'conferense', 'exausted', 'motovate', 'they're', 'dificult', 'scedule', 'indoviduals') that detract from the overall quality. There is some repetition of words like 'exercise' and 'working', which could be varied with synonyms to demonstrate a wider lexical range.
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by identifying reasons why working people do not get enough exercise and suggesting solutions. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples and clearer explanations. For instance, elaborating on how gym memberships can be structured or providing statistics on health improvements could strengthen the argument.
6.5

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