Many young people choose to take a year out between finishing school and starting university in order to gain work experience or to travel. The experience of non-academic life this offers benefits the individual when they return to education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay presents a clear argument in favour of taking a gap year, effectively addressing the prompt and providing relevant points. Key strengths include a well-defined position and logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as several errors detract from clarity, and the need for more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing transitions, and refining vocabulary for clarity and variety. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include incorporating specific examples to strengthen arguments and exploring counterarguments to provide a more balanced view. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph presents a distinct point, but the transitions between some ideas could be smoother. For instance, using more varied cohesive devices could enhance the overall coherence.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'more better' and 'careful' instead of 'carefully.' These errors affect the overall clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate and conveys the intended meaning. However, there are instances of repetition, such as 'gap year' and 'students.' To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or more varied expressions to demonstrate a wider lexical range.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear position in favor of taking a gap year and developing relevant arguments. However, it could benefit from more specific examples and a deeper exploration of counterarguments to strengthen the overall argument.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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