Modern communications mean that it's no longer necessary to write letters. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position against the notion that writing letters is no longer necessary. Key strengths include a well-defined argument and relevant reasons supporting the viewpoint. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the development of ideas with more specific examples and improving the use of cohesive devices for smoother transitions between ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving clarity, and ensuring proper paragraph structure. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary to avoid repetition and incorporating more complex sentence structures to enhance grammatical range. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, contributing to the overall argument. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved; for instance, transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the flow of the essay.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions (e.g., 'dont' should be 'don't,' 'you're' should be 'your,' 'thats' should be 'that's,' 'skil' should be 'skill'). These errors affect the clarity and accuracy of the writing. More complex sentence structures could also be employed to enhance the overall grammatical range.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate and conveys the intended meaning effectively. There are some instances of repetition, such as the word 'letter' and 'communication,' which could be varied to demonstrate a wider lexical range. Additionally, there are minor spelling errors (e.g., 'prefered' should be 'preferred,' 'technologes' should be 'technologies') that detract from the overall quality.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear position against the statement that writing letters is no longer necessary. The writer provides relevant reasons and examples to support their viewpoint. However, the development of ideas could be enhanced with more specific examples or elaboration on the points made, which would strengthen the argument further.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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