Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they do not get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past. Do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

I agree that in nowadays parents they are spending lesser time with their childrens as compared to the past. Because of this reason, there are many childrens who are suffering. Firstly, in this modern life, both parents are working. They go to the office very early atin the morning time and cominge back to home late at night. Due to this, they cannot givinge proper attaention and time to their childsren. In the past, usually only fathers workinged outside andwhile mothers stayed at home to takinge care of the family and children. SoAs a result, mothers could give full attaention and care to child. But nowtheir children. However, the scenario ishas now changed. Secondly, because parents are busy with work, many children are taken care of by babysitters or sendt to childcare centres. In thisese places, childs not gettingren do not receive enough love and care like parents can gave. Child sittersthey would from their parents. Childcare providers are only doing their job,; they do not feel the emotional connection with child likeren that parents feelsdo. This lack of love and care, e affect ons children's mental growth. Many studyies shows that, children who gettingreceive less attaention and love from their parents, they may facing manye various mental problems in the future like, such as depression, and anxiety etc. In conclusoion, iI strongly agree that nowadays parents are giving less time to their children compared to the past. And tThis areis very bed fordetrimental to children's mental and physical growth. Parents should trying to givingspend more time towith their childs,ren because nothing can replace a parent's love and care in a child's life.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument regarding the decline in parental attention in modern times. Key strengths of the essay include a clear stance on the issue and a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The writer effectively identifies the reasons for reduced parental time and the consequences of this trend. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in subject-verb agreement and verb forms. The essay also suffers from spelling errors and repetitive vocabulary, which detracts from its overall quality. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving sentence clarity, and enhancing transitions between ideas. Additionally, spelling errors were corrected, and some phrases were adjusted for better coherence. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples or statistics to support claims, as well as using a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. Furthermore, the writer could benefit from varying sentence structures to demonstrate a broader grammatical range. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and a lack of cohesive devices. For instance, transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be improved to enhance clarity. Using linking words such as 'furthermore' or 'in addition' would help create a smoother progression of ideas.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'parents they are spending lesser time'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'cannot giving'), and awkward sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and varying sentence types to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical ability.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetitive words (e.g., 'child', 'children', 'parents') and spelling errors (e.g., 'attantion', 'childs', 'studys'). To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling. Incorporating synonyms and more sophisticated expressions would enhance the overall lexical resource.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by agreeing that modern lifestyles lead to less parental attention for children. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the examples provided could be more specific and detailed. To improve, the writer could include more concrete examples or statistics to support their claims, as well as a clearer conclusion that summarizes the main points.
5.5

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