"Monetary incentives are commonly perceived as powerful motivators."

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

It is commonly perceived that monetary incentive iss are powerful motivators. I agree with this view, as money can motivate people to work harder and more efficiancently. This essay will discuss why monetary incentives are percieived as powerful motivator.s. First of all, monetary incentives can motivate people to put in more effort. When people have the chance to earn more moneys, they often work harder and for longer hours. For example, if a company offers a bonus for reaching sales targets, employees will likely work more diligently to achieve those targets. This shows how monetary incentives can powerfully motivate people to work harder. Moreover, monetary incentives can also improve productivity and efficiency. If people know that they will be rewarded with money for good performance, thaey are more likely to find ways to work more efficiently. To illustrate, a study found that factory workers who received performance-based bonuses were 20% more productive than those who did not receive bonuses. This demonstrates how monetary rewards can motivate people to work smarter and in more efficient ways. In conclusion, it is clear that monetary incentives are indeed powerfully motivators. They encourage people to working harder and more efficiently in order to attain financial rewards. Therefore, iI believe monetary incentives will continue to be used as effective motivational tools in many workplaces.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the topic of monetary incentives as motivators and provides relevant examples to support the argument, which is a key strength. However, it lacks depth in analysis and could benefit from a clearer structure. The introduction has been improved to better paraphrase the question, and the body paragraphs now have clearer topic sentences and supporting details. Additionally, grammatical errors have been corrected, and vocabulary has been varied to avoid repetition. Critical areas for improvement include enhancing the depth of analysis by discussing potential counterarguments or limitations of monetary incentives. The transitions between ideas have been smoothed out, but further linking phrases could still enhance coherence. The overall tone is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include exploring the potential downsides of monetary incentives, such as the risk of fostering unhealthy competition or diminishing intrinsic motivation. This would provide a more balanced view of the topic. Overall, the essay has been significantly improved, but there is still room for further development in analysis and coherence.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical flow, but the transitions between ideas could be smoother. Some sentences feel abrupt, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more linking phrases and ensure that each paragraph clearly connects to the main argument.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('money incentive is powerful motivators'), incorrect verb forms ('efficiancy' should be 'efficiency'), and awkward constructions. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. The writer should focus on proofreading and practicing more complex sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'money incentives', 'motivate') and some inaccuracies (e.g., 'money incentive' should be 'monetary incentives'). To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and avoid redundancy.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the topic of monetary incentives as motivators and provides relevant examples to support the argument. However, it lacks depth in analysis and could benefit from a clearer structure. For improvement, the writer should ensure that each point is fully developed and consider discussing potential counterarguments or limitations of monetary incentives.
6.0

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