More and more business meetings are taking place online. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? (reported 2021, 2022, 2023)
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of online meetings, presenting a clear position. Key strengths include a well-organized structure and relevant points made in each paragraph. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in verb forms and article usage, as well as enhancing vocabulary variety to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions, and ensuring proper paragraph separation. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific examples or data to support points and using a wider range of vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear structure that separates the advantages and disadvantages. However, some transitions could be smoother, such as between the points made in the advantages and disadvantages sections. Using more cohesive devices, like 'furthermore' or 'in addition,' could enhance the flow of ideas. Overall, the coherence is good, but slight improvements in linking ideas would elevate the score.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors that affect clarity, such as 'online meetings becoming' instead of 'are becoming' and 'this saves lot of time' which should be 'this saves a lot of time.' Minor punctuation issues are also present. To improve, the writer should focus on correcting these grammatical errors and using a wider variety of sentence structures.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, with some good phrases like 'cost-saving' and 'build relationships.' However, there are instances of repetition, such as 'online meetings' and 'meetings,' which could be varied. Additionally, the use of 'convenience' should be 'convenient' in the context. To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and synonyms to avoid repetition.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of online meetings, presenting a clear position. However, the introduction could be more precise in stating the topic, and the phrase 'there is advantages and disadvantages' should be corrected to 'there are advantages and disadvantages.' To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples or data to support their points.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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