More and more people are leaving the countryside to live in cities. Are there more advantages or disadvantages of this development for the environment?

Part 2
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In nowadays, there beis an increasing trend of people leaving rural areas to liveing in urban cityies. This phenomenaon haves both positive and negative results for the environement. In my opinnion, the disadvantages outweight the benefit. s. On the one hand side, when more personindividuals move to cities, it can be a good thing for natural surroundings. With lesser individual infewer people in the countryside, there will hasbe a reducetion in human activiteies that can damage ecosystems, such likeas deforest landation for agriculture or pollutiion from farms. Also,dditionally, the centralizatiion of the popullation in cityies allows for more efficient use of resources and infrastraucture, potentially meaning less environmental impact overall compared to peoples spread out across large area. s. However, the drawbacks of urbanizastion are greasignificant. Firstly, as more and more poeople conscentrate in cityies, it leads to overcrowding, traffikc congestion, and stretching of limited urban resources. These problems create increased air pollution, noise disturbances, and waste generastion that harm the environment in cityies and sourrounding areas. Secondly, the abandonment of rural regions can also hasve negative aeffects. Without human maintanenance, previously cultivated land may suffer erosion, and ecosystems may becominge unbalanced. Moreover, with fewer poeople engaged in sustainable practices like organic farming, there are concernns about the long-term impact on biodivercsity and food supply. In conclusion, while there may be some enviraonmental benefits to peoples migrating from the countrysides to cities, I beliefve the negatives consequences are more significant. Governments and society must find ways to develope rural areas sustainabley and prevent overconscentration of the populastion in urban centeres for the health of our planet.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of urban migration, while presenting a well-defined opinion that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. Key strengths include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as a logical progression of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific examples and details to strengthen the argument, as well as addressing grammatical errors that hinder clarity. The use of varied vocabulary and cohesive devices could also be enhanced to improve the overall quality of the writing. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving sentence structure, and enhancing coherence through better transitions. Additionally, spelling errors were corrected to improve lexical resource. For further improvements, the writer could incorporate specific statistics or case studies related to urbanization and its environmental impact, as well as varying the vocabulary used to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is present but could be improved for better clarity. For instance, using more varied linking words and phrases could enhance the logical progression of ideas. Improving transitions between points would also help in achieving a smoother reading experience.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues, incorrect verb forms, and sentence structure problems (e.g., 'there be increasing trend', 'this phenomena have'). These errors hinder clarity and reduce the overall effectiveness of the writing. While some complex sentences are attempted, they are often flawed. To improve, the writer should focus on mastering basic grammatical structures and ensuring subject-verb agreement, as well as proofreading for common errors.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used in the essay demonstrates some range, but there are several spelling errors and awkward word choices (e.g., 'pople', 'environement', 'sustinable'). While some terms are appropriate, the frequent repetition of certain words (e.g., 'city', 'people') detracts from the overall lexical variety. To improve, the writer should aim to use synonyms and more sophisticated vocabulary to convey their ideas more effectively.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of urban migration, presenting a clear opinion that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the examples provided could be more specific and detailed to strengthen the argument. For improvement, the writer could elaborate on the examples given, such as providing specific statistics or case studies related to urbanization and its environmental impact.
5.0

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