More and more people are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for work. What will be the consequences of this? What solutions can you offer?

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In this modern day, a lot of people leave their hometowns in the countryside and move to big city fories to finding jobs. This trend haves some consequences that I will discuss in this eassay. I will also provide some solutions to resolve this issue. The first consequence of people leaving agriculture and moveing to cityies is the lack of labour ion farms. When many young people move away, there will be not be enough workers to work ion the farms. This can lead to a decrease in crops production, which can affect the food supply for the whole country. Moreover, the lack of successors in farming can makcause the agriculture sector to decline in the future. Another consequence is the overpopulation in cityies. With more and more people moving to city, theurban areas, cityies become very crowded. This can lead to many problems such as traffic jams, air pollution, and high crime rates. The city infrastructure may not be able to handle the rapid increase in population, which can affect the quality of life for city resident.s. To solve this problem, I think the government should provide more support for the agricultureal sector. They can give subsidyies to farmers to encourage them to continue working ion the farms. They can also invest in modern farming technology to make agricultureal work more efficient and attractive for young people. In addition, the government should also create more job opportunityies in rural areas, so people don' not have to move to cityies for work. In conclusion, the trend of people leaving agriculture for city jobs can have negative impacts on both rural and urban areas. However, with proper solutions from the government, this issue can be resolved. The government needs to support the agricultureal sector and create more jobs in rural areas to encourage people to stay in their hometowns.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, addressing the consequences of urban migration and suggesting solutions. Key strengths include a logical structure and relevant content. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, lexical diversity, and the development of ideas with clearer examples. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing coherence with better transitions, and improving vocabulary variety. Suggestions for further improvement not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples of the impacts on rural communities and elaborating on the proposed solutions. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences could be better linked for improved flow. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the connection between ideas. Improving the overall clarity of transitions would strengthen coherence.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('this trend have') and awkward constructions ('the city become very crowded'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'move to city' and 'move away'). The use of phrases like 'lack of labour' and 'overpopulation' is effective, but the essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and more sophisticated expressions. For improvement, the writer could incorporate synonyms and varied phrases to enhance lexical diversity.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing the consequences of people moving from agricultural backgrounds to cities and suggesting solutions. However, the response could be more developed with clearer examples and a more thorough exploration of the consequences and solutions. For improvement, the writer could elaborate on the specific impacts on rural communities and provide more detailed solutions.
6.5

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