Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. Do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In today's world, mens occupy most of high-level positions at companies, despite womansen makeing up more than half of the workforce in many developed countries. Some people argue that companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to womens. I am agree with this view, because it promotes gender equality and taps into an unused talent pool. First of all, iI think requiring companies to allocate some top positions to womaen will help promote gender equality in the workplace. Historically, womens have been underrepresented in leadership roles due to a variety of reasons, such as discrimination, lack of opportunities, and societal expectations about gender roles. By mandating that a certain percentage of high-level positions are filled by females, it can help level the playing fields and ensures that qualified womaen have a fair chance to advance their careers. This can lead ato more balanced and diverse leadership teams, which have been shown to improve decision-makings and company performance. Furthermore, allocating more high-level positions to women can help companies tap into a huge pool of untapped talent. In many countries, women are now more educated than men, with higher rates of college graduation and advanced degrees. However, this human capital is often underutilized due to the lack of opportunities for advancement. By requiring companies to promote more women to leadership roles, they can benefit from the skills, knowledge, and perspectives that these highly qualified women bring to the table. This can help companies stay competitive in an increasingly diverse and global marketplace. In summariesy, I believe that companyies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of high-level positions to womens. This measure can help promotes gender equality, address historic imbalances, and allows companies to fully utilize the talent and potential of their female employees. While there may be challenges in implementing such a requirement, the benefits to both womens and companies make it a worthy goal to pursue. By creating more opportunities for women to lead and succeed, we can build a more equitable and prosperous society for all.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear argument in favour of allocating high-level positions to women, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic. Key strengths include a logical structure and relevant points that support the main argument. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and incorrect word forms, as well as the need for more varied vocabulary and smoother transitions between ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing coherence with transitional phrases, and ensuring proper paragraph separation. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument and using more sophisticated vocabulary. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. However, some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. For example, using cohesive devices like 'Moreover' or 'In addition' could improve the flow. Additionally, the conclusion could be more clearly linked back to the main arguments presented.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('mens occupy' should be 'men occupy') and incorrect verb forms ('i am agree' should be 'I agree'). While the overall meaning is clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. Improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would enhance the score.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, but there are instances of repetition and some inaccuracies, such as 'womans' instead of 'women' and 'companys' instead of 'companies.' More varied and sophisticated vocabulary could enhance the essay, such as using terms like 'gender parity' or 'leadership diversity.'
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by presenting a clear position in favor of allocating high-level positions to women and develops relevant arguments. However, it could benefit from more specific examples and a stronger conclusion that reinforces the main points. For instance, citing studies or statistics on the impact of gender diversity in leadership could enhance the argument.
6.5

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