Most people accept that we now live in a globalised world but not everyone agrees that this is beneficial. To what extent is globalisation a positive or negative development?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Globalisation is a very important thing inphenomenon in the world today. I think it has made both positive and negative impacts foron people and countries. In this essay, iI will discuss both sides of this issue. On the one hand, globalisation haves many benefits. Firstly, it has made it easier for people to travel and work in different places. This is good for cultural exchange and understanding between people from othervarious countries. Additionally, globalisation has increased trade between countries, which haves made many products cheaper and more accessible to consumers. It has also have created jobs and economical growth in many developing country. ies. However, there isare also some drawbacks to globalisation. One concern is that it can lead to a loss of cultural identity as people adopt foreign customs and traditions. Globalisation haves also caused environmental damage due to increased transportation and production. In addition, some argue that the benefits of globalisation isare not distributed equally and that it haves made rich countries richer while poor countries remain poor. In conclusion, iI believe that globalisation haves both positive and negative effects. While it has bringought many benefits like increased trade, travel, and cultural exchange, we must also be aware of potential downsides such as environmental impact and inequality. Overall, I think that if we can manage globalisation responsibley, it can be a force for good in the world.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of globalisation, presenting a clear position. Key strengths include a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more thorough development of ideas, with specific examples to support claims, and enhanced use of cohesive devices for smoother transitions between ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving subject-verb agreement, and refining vocabulary to avoid repetition. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples or statistics to strengthen arguments and varying sentence structures for greater grammatical range. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved. For example, transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the use of linking words could enhance the flow of the essay.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'globalisation have' instead of 'globalisation has') and incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'has increase' instead of 'has increased'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is adequate but somewhat repetitive, with phrases like 'globalisation has' appearing multiple times. There are also some inaccuracies, such as 'economical growth' instead of 'economic growth.' To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and avoid repetition by using synonyms.
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of globalization, presenting a clear position. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples to support the claims made. For instance, mentioning specific cultural exchanges or economic statistics would strengthen the argument.
6.0

Related Writing Samples

Part 2
5.0

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

Part 2
6.5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
8.0

We have become a disposable society, preferring to buy new products rather than fixing existing items. What are the causes of this trend and what are the possible solutions?

Part 2
5.5

The tendency that news reports in media focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
7.0

Today single-use products are still very common. Why is this? What are the problems associated with this?

Part 2
6.5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?