"Movies and music files should be free for everyone to download." To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position against the idea of free downloads for movies and music. Key strengths include a well-structured argument with relevant reasons and examples supporting the stance. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for acknowledging counterarguments to enhance the depth of the discussion and the use of more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting the lowercase 'i' to 'I' for professionalism and enhancing transitions between points for better flow. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating a counterargument to provide a more nuanced discussion and using more sophisticated vocabulary to elevate the writing. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Ideas are logically sequenced, and cohesive devices are used appropriately. However, the transitions between some points could be smoother to enhance the overall flow of the argument.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors, such as the lowercase 'i' in 'i think,' which detracts from the overall professionalism of the writing. While the majority of sentences are clear and accurate, the presence of minor grammatical mistakes suggests room for improvement in accuracy.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some variety in word choice. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the phrase 'movies and music,' which could be replaced with synonyms or paraphrased to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary. Additionally, the use of more sophisticated expressions could elevate the writing.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position against the idea of free downloads for movies and music. It provides relevant reasons and examples to support this stance. However, it could be improved by acknowledging counterarguments or providing more nuanced reasoning to enhance the depth of the discussion.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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