Mrs Barrett, an English speaking woman who lives in your town, has advertised for someone to help her in her home for a few hours a day next summer. Write a letter to Mrs Barrett. In your letter suggest how you would help her in her home Say why you would like to do this work explain when you will and will not be available

Part 1 (General)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Dear Mrs Barrett, I am writing to you, regarding your adverteisement for help in your home during nextthe summer time. I seenaw your ad in the local newspaper and thought iI could be of assistance to you. To start, I could help with cooking and cleanings around the house. I have experience from working at my aunt's hotel where I worked as a maid. I can vacuum and sweep floors, dust furnitures, and wash dishes. Also iFurthermore, I know how to make some easy meals like sandwiches and soups that require littlefew ingredients, which could be helpful if you are not feeling up to cooking for yourself sometimes. The reason iI want to do this work is because I am studying at university and will have free time in the summer. I Wwant to earn some money to pay for my studies and gain some work experiences too. It would be nice to help an elderly person like you, as I know it can be hard to manage a household all by yourself when getting older. About Regarding my availiability, I will be completely free from June to aAugust. However, in May iI have final exams, so I will only be available on weekends. Also idditionally, I have a family vacation planned for 2two weeks in July, so I will not be able to work then. But oOther than that, I am flexibile and can work hours that suits you best. Thank you for your considering my application. I look forward to hearing back from you soon. Please let me know if you need any more informations from me. Yours sincerely, [Your Name]
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

1. Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for each point, addressing the task requirements effectively by suggesting how the writer can help, explaining motivation, and detailing availability. 2. Critical areas for improvement involve grammatical accuracy, spelling, and the use of more formal language. The letter contained several errors, such as incorrect verb forms and spelling mistakes, which detracted from the overall quality. 3. Structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, improving grammatical accuracy, and enhancing transitions between ideas for better flow. For example, 'Furthermore' was added to improve the transition between discussing tasks and motivation. 4. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary further to avoid repetition and incorporating more formal expressions to enhance the tone. 5. The tone used is generally appropriate for a letter of this nature, but it could be made more formal to better suit the context of applying for a job. Overall, the letter is polite and conveys the necessary information, but a more formal tone would enhance its professionalism.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The letter has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs for each point. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing tasks to motivation could be better linked. Using cohesive devices like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could improve the flow.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
There are several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms ('I seen' should be 'I saw'), spelling mistakes ('advertesement', 'becaus', 'studyng', 'availibility', 'flexibile'), and awkward constructions. While the meaning is generally clear, improving grammatical accuracy and range would significantly enhance the overall quality of the writing.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and informal language, such as 'cleanings' instead of 'cleaning' and 'completly' instead of 'completely'. To enhance the score, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and avoid informal expressions.
6.0
Task Achievement
The letter addresses the task requirements by suggesting how the writer can help, explaining the motivation for the work, and detailing availability. However, there are minor issues with clarity and tone, such as the phrase 'I seen your ad' which should be 'I saw your ad'. To improve, the writer could enhance the formality of the letter and ensure all points are clearly articulated.
6.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (General)
5.5

Your ID card has been stolen. Write to the Local Police Station, giving details of: - who you are - what happened - ask what you should do to get a new ID card

Part 1 (General)
7.0

The graphs below show the cinema attendance in Australia and the average cinema visits by different age groups from 1996 to 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons.

Part 1 (General)
7.0

A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children's sports team for two years or to pay for two open air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter: Describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team. Summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts. Say how you think the company should spend the money.

Part 1 (General)
6.0

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development?

Part 1 (General)
7.0

You and your teenage daughter visited the local library last weekend to find books for her school project. After searching for some time, you realized that the library did not have any books on the subject. This is not the first time that the library did not have something you need. Write a letter to the library manager: Describe what you were trying to find Explain why you needed the book and how you tried to find it Suggest what the library can do to help you find the information you need

Part 1 (General)
7.5

Last month you had a holiday overseas where you stayed with some friends. They have just sent you some photos of your holiday. Write a letter to your friends. In your letter: thank them for the photos and for the holiday explain why you didn't write earlier invite them to come and stay with you