Mrs Barrett, an English-speaking woman who lives in your town, has advertised for someone to help in her home for a few hours a day next summer. Write a letter to Mrs Barrett. In your letter - suggest how you could help her in her home - say why you would like to do this work - explain when you will and will not be available Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Mrs Barrett,
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure, appropriate tone, and effective addressing of the task requirements. The letter is well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the application. Critical areas for improvement involve enhancing lexical variety and incorporating more specific examples of skills or experiences. Structural changes made include slight adjustments to phrasing for conciseness and clarity, as well as the addition of commas for better readability. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include using a wider range of synonyms to avoid repetition and incorporating more varied linking phrases to enhance coherence. The tone used is appropriate for a semi-formal letter, maintaining professionalism while being friendly.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is well-organized, with a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the task, and cohesive devices are used effectively to link ideas. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more varied linking phrases to connect thoughts within paragraphs.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. There are minor errors, such as 'I can also help with cooking meals or running errands like grocery shopping,' which could be more concisely phrased. Overall, the grammatical accuracy supports clarity and effectiveness.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with terms like 'household chores,' 'errands,' and 'valuable experience.' However, there is some repetition of words such as 'help' and 'available.' To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or more sophisticated vocabulary to enhance the richness of the text.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter effectively addresses all parts of the task prompt, suggesting how the writer can help, explaining the motivation for the job, and clearly stating availability. The tone is appropriate for a semi-formal letter. To improve further, the writer could provide more specific examples of skills or experiences that would make them an ideal candidate.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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