Museums and art galleries should concentrate on local works rather than showing the cultures or artworks from other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

I am disagree that museums or art galleries only need to focus foron local works instead of showing art and culture from outside. I believe it is very important to show thcase both local and international arts. Firstly, by showing thedisplaying artworks from other countries, it will increasinge our knowledge and understanding of different cultures in the world. For example, when I visited a museum in my hometown last year, I saw many paintings and sculptures from European and Asian countries. It was a very interesting experience for me to learn about their unique styles and techniques, which isare different thanfrom our local arts. This exposure broadened my perspective and appreciation towards the diversity of arts globally. Furthermore, displaying international works can inspire for local artists to create new and innovative pieces. They can learn from the techniques and styles used by foreign artists, and incorporate them into their own work. This fusion of ideas leads to the development of the arts scene locally. Museums and galleries play an important role in facilitating this cultural exchange and growth. However, I also agree that we shouldn't neglect our own cultural heritage and artworks. It is crucial to showcase and preserve local talents so that younger generations can learn about their roots. Perhaps, the museums could dedicated one section specifically for local arts while also including international works in another part of the building. In conclusion, while it is essential to promote local artists, I believe museums should not limit themselves only to that. By finding the right balance between showcasing both local and international works, we can enrich our arts scene and foster greater cultural understanding globally.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear argument in favour of including both local and international artworks in museums and galleries, which is a key strength. The use of personal experience as an example adds depth to the argument. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy and cohesion. The essay contained several grammatical errors that affected clarity, such as incorrect verb forms and awkward constructions. Additionally, the flow between paragraphs could be enhanced with better transitional phrases. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving sentence clarity, and enhancing transitions between ideas. For instance, 'I am disagree' was corrected to 'I disagree,' and 'this fusion of ideas lead' was changed to 'this fusion of ideas leads.' Furthermore, I added transitional phrases like 'Moreover' to improve coherence. For further improvements, the writer could include more specific examples or data to support their claims, which would strengthen the argument. Additionally, varying the vocabulary to avoid repetition would enhance the lexical resource. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. However, some sentences could be better linked to enhance the flow. For instance, the transition between discussing the benefits of international art and the importance of local heritage could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'Moreover' or 'In addition,' could improve the overall cohesion.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, 'I am disagree' should be 'I disagree,' and 'this fusion of ideas lead' should be 'this fusion of ideas leads.' While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall accuracy and fluency of the writing.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some effective phrases like 'cultural exchange' and 'broaden my perspective.' However, there are instances of repetition, such as the word 'arts' and 'local,' which could be varied. Additionally, some phrases are awkwardly constructed, such as 'it will increasing our knowledge,' which should be 'it will increase our knowledge.'
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position that supports the inclusion of both local and international artworks in museums and galleries. The main ideas are developed with relevant examples, such as personal experiences and the benefits of cultural exchange. However, the argument could be strengthened by providing more specific examples or data to support the claims made.
7.0

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