Museums and art galleries should show local history and culture instead of work from different countries. Do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

I am agree that museums and art galleries should focus on showing the history and culture of the local area rather than works from other places and countries. There isare several reasons for this opinion which I will explain. Firstly, it is important for people to learn about and be proud of their own local history and traditions. If museums only show arts and history from other places, people will not know about their own local culture. This is especially important for children and students to learn and be knowledgeable ofabout where they come from. Museums have a responsibility to educate local people about their own culture and past. Secondly, tourists and visitors from other places want to see and experience the unikque local history and culture when they visit a new city or country. They are not interested toin seeing the same art and history from their own place or other countries. Local museums should showcase what makes the area special and different. If all museums everywhere show the same things from around the world, there is no reason to travel and visit new places. In conclusion, I strongly beleieve that the role of museums and art galleries is to focus on the local region and educate both local people and tourists about the area's own special history, art, and culture. While it can be goodbeneficial to sometimes have special exhibitions of famous works from other places, the main purpose of these institutions should be to showcase and celebrate the unikque local history and culture of the area.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position in favour of showcasing local history and culture in museums and art galleries. Key strengths include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as relevant reasons supporting the main argument. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in subject-verb agreement and sentence structure, as well as spelling errors that detract from the overall quality. The use of cohesive devices could also be enhanced for better flow between ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving spelling, and enhancing transitions between paragraphs. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples or data to strengthen the arguments and varying vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph presents a clear point, and there is a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved for better flow. For instance, transitions between ideas could be more varied and sophisticated to enhance the overall coherence.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'I am agree' instead of 'I agree' and 'there is several reasons' instead of 'there are several reasons'. These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical forms and varying sentence structures.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'local history and culture' is mentioned multiple times). There are also some spelling errors, such as 'unik' instead of 'unique' and 'beleive' instead of 'believe', which detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position in favor of showcasing local history and culture in museums and art galleries. The main ideas are developed with relevant reasons and examples, such as the importance of local culture for education and the interests of tourists. However, the argument could be strengthened with more specific examples or data to support the claims.
7.0

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