"My family"

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

My family is a small family, unit, consisting of only 4four people. There: me, my mother, my dad, and Smy sister. We lifve in a city that called Hanoi, the capital of Vietnam. I am the youngest in my family, I amt 18 years old, and my sister is two years older than me. My mom works as an accountant for a big company. She is very smart and always works hard. My Ffather's job is as a bus driver. He; he has been driveing buses in Hanoi for 15 years. SMy sister goes to university to study history. S because she wants to be a history teacher. We live in a small apartment in the centere of the city. ItAlthough it is not big but, it is very convenient. We enjoy spending time together. On weekends, we usually go out for dinner inat a restaurant or watch a movie. Sometimes, we visit our grandparents who live in the countryside. I love my family very much. They always support me and take care of me. We have many happy memoryies together. My family means everything to me, and I amfeel lucky to have them. In the future, I want to have a good job so I can help my family and make them proud of me.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear overview of the family and includes relevant details about each member, which is a key strength. However, it lacks depth in certain areas, such as elaborating on family traditions or experiences that could enhance the relationships described. The coherence and cohesion have been improved by adding transitional phrases and ensuring that each paragraph logically follows the previous one. The vocabulary has been enhanced by correcting repetitive phrases and spelling errors, while grammatical accuracy has been addressed by fixing subject-verb agreement and verb forms. Critical areas for improvement include further development of ideas, such as specific family activities or traditions, to provide a richer narrative. Additionally, varying sentence structures could enhance the overall quality of the writing. The tone used is appropriate for a personal essay, conveying warmth and affection towards the family. Further improvements could include incorporating more complex sentences and a wider range of vocabulary to elevate the writing style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure, but the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed. There are instances of abrupt transitions, such as moving from discussing family members to activities without clear connections. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph logically follows the previous one.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('my sister two years older than me' should be 'is two years older than me') and incorrect verb forms ('work' should be 'works'). The sentence structures are mostly simple, lacking variety. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical forms and varying sentence structures.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several repetitive phrases and some inaccuracies, such as 'small family' instead of 'small family unit' and 'apartment' misspelled as 'aparment.' To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and check for spelling errors.
5.0
Task Achievement
The writing provides a general overview of the family and includes relevant details about each member. However, it lacks depth and development in certain areas, such as the mother's profession and the family's activities. To improve, the writer could elaborate on specific family traditions or experiences that highlight their relationships.
5.5

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