My first visit to the zoo

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

I remember clearly my first visit to the zoo,; it iwas when I amwas in elementary school and my teacher bringought our class for a field trip. I amwas very excited forto seeing all the animals that I had only seeingn in books and on TV before. When we arrived at the zoo, the first thing we see isaw was a big elephant. It iwas so much bigger than I thinkought! It haved a long trunk and big ears. We watched the elephant for a while, then moved on to the next animal. Next, we seeingaw lions and tigers. They were very intimidateing with their big teeth and loud roars. But they also looked beautyiful with theyreir fur and strong bodies. After the big cats, we going towent to the monkey area. MThe monkeys were very playful and funny, swinging on trees and makeing silly faces at us. We all laughinged at theyir antics. My favourite part of the zoo visit iwas seeing the giraffes. They were so tall and haved long necks that reached high into the trees for leafves. I had never seen an animal like a giraffe before,; it looked almost unot real because it was so unique. Before we leavft the zoo, we makde sure to see the penguins too. They were very cute with theyir tuxedo-like coats and waddling walks. We watchinged them swim fast through the water and jump out onto land. All in all, my first visit to zoo isthe zoo was a very memorable and exciting experience. I seeaw so muchany amazing animals and learned a lot about theyir habitats and behaviours. It makde me appreciate nature and all the creatures that sharinge our planet. I definitely recommend everyone to visiting a zoo at least once in theyir life to have this wonderful experience too.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively narrates the author's first visit to the zoo, showcasing various animals and experiences. Key strengths include a clear enthusiasm for the subject and a logical progression of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, spelling, and the overall structure of the essay. The original essay lacked a clear overview and had several grammatical errors that detracted from the overall quality. The corrected version addresses these issues by improving grammatical accuracy, correcting spelling mistakes, and enhancing the flow of ideas with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific details about the zoo and its educational aspects, as well as varying the vocabulary used to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for a personal narrative, conveying excitement and wonder about the zoo experience.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure, but the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed. There are some transitions, but they could be more effective. For example, using phrases like 'After that' or 'Following our visit to the lions' could enhance the logical progression of ideas.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'it have', 'they very intimidate') and incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'we seeing', 'we going'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the author should focus on using correct verb tenses and ensuring subject-verb agreement.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'beautyful', 'theyre', 'favourit') and some repetitive phrases (e.g., 'we see', 'we watching'). To improve, the author should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling.
5.0
Task Achievement
The writing provides a narrative of the author's first visit to the zoo, covering various animals and experiences. However, it lacks a clear structure and some details are underdeveloped. To improve, the author could include more specific information about the zoo or the educational aspects of the visit.
5.0

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