(Not less than 150words) You have just won two tickets to a concert and you want to invite your friend with you. In your letter a) Give details of the concert b) Describe how you won the tickets c) Explain why you have chosen your friend to go with you.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure that addresses all parts of the task, providing details about the concert, the ticket-winning experience, and the invitation to the friend. The tone is friendly and appropriate for a personal letter. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with capitalization and sentence structure. The use of cohesive devices could be enhanced to improve the flow between ideas, especially when transitioning from the ticket win to the invitation. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, adding a specific date for the concert, and improving transitions between sentences. For example, the phrase 'as usually do' was corrected to 'as I usually do', and 'to listener who will be first to call' was changed to 'to the listener who would be the first to call'. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying the vocabulary to avoid repetition and incorporating more complex sentence structures to enhance the overall sophistication of the writing. Overall, the tone used is appropriate for the context of a personal letter, maintaining a warm and inviting style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some sentences could be better linked for improved cohesion. For example, the transition between winning the tickets and inviting the friend could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices would enhance the overall clarity.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
There are several grammatical errors, including incorrect capitalization ('i' should be 'I'), missing articles ('the main stadium'), and awkward constructions ('to listener who will be first to call'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. More complex sentence structures could also be employed.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the context, but there are instances of repetition, such as 'i' and 'the concert'. Additionally, some phrases are awkward, like 'as usually do'. To improve, the writer could use a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses all parts of the task: it provides details about the concert, explains how the tickets were won, and describes why the friend was chosen. However, there are minor inconsistencies in the details, such as the lack of a specific date for the concert, which could enhance clarity.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
Related Writing Samples
Your ID card has been stolen. Write to the Local Police Station, giving details of: - who you are - what happened - ask what you should do to get a new ID card
The graphs below show the cinema attendance in Australia and the average cinema visits by different age groups from 1996 to 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons.
A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children's sports team for two years or to pay for two open air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter: Describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team. Summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts. Say how you think the company should spend the money.
In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development?
You and your teenage daughter visited the local library last weekend to find books for her school project. After searching for some time, you realized that the library did not have any books on the subject. This is not the first time that the library did not have something you need. Write a letter to the library manager: Describe what you were trying to find Explain why you needed the book and how you tried to find it Suggest what the library can do to help you find the information you need
Last month you had a holiday overseas where you stayed with some friends. They have just sent you some photos of your holiday. Write a letter to your friends. In your letter: thank them for the photos and for the holiday explain why you didn't write earlier invite them to come and stay with you