Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medical medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

'In the modern period, many peoples who hasve illnesses and health complications are trying to use Aalternative treatments and medicine instead tof going to a regular doctor. This has become a major trend recently and is a very concerning trenddevelopment, according to me. First of all, the alternative medicines aredo not havinge a scientific basis andor research to back their effectiveness. Many times, this type of medicines is sellingold by peoples who does not have medical degrees andor licenses to give medicineprovide treatments to others peoples. They make big promises about curing all types of illnesses, but most of the times it is, these are false claims made to earn money only. So. Therefore, it is very risky and dangerous for peoples to trust thisese types of treatments without consulting with real qualified doctors. Another concerning thing is,issue is that when peoples tries this typey alternative medicines and treatments, they may delaying the proper treatment from qualified medical doctors. In many illnesses, early diagnosis and quick treatment isare very important,; otherwise, it can become too late. If patients waste time on unproven alternative treatments, their health condition may get worsern, and they may miss the window ofor proper treatment by licensed medical professionals. This can have severe consequences onfor a patient'"s health and even pose life- risks. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the trend of using alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting qualified doctors is a very negative development. It can be very risky and dangerous for people"s health, and can leads to severe consequences if proper medical treatment is delayed. Peoples should always consult with licensesd medical doctors for any health concerns and illness,es and should not blindly trust on unproven alternative treatments blindly.'
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear position against the use of alternative medicines over conventional medical treatment, which is a key strength. The structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy and lexical resource. The original essay contained numerous grammatical errors, awkward phrasing, and repetitive vocabulary, which have been addressed in the corrected version. Structural changes made include correcting subject-verb agreement, improving word choice, and enhancing the flow of ideas with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples or statistics to support the arguments and varying sentence structures to enhance readability. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and critical perspective throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas could be improved with better use of cohesive devices. For instance, transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. Using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the coherence of the argument.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('many peoples who has illness'), incorrect article usage ('the alternativ medicines'), and awkward sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition (e.g., 'peoples', 'alternativ medicines'). Additionally, some word choices are incorrect or awkward (e.g., 'this types of treatments', 'worsers'). To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct word forms and collocations.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position against the use of alternative medicines over conventional medical treatment. However, it could benefit from more specific examples and a more balanced discussion of the topic. For improvement, the writer could include statistics or studies that highlight the risks associated with alternative treatments.
6.0

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