Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these are not beneficial for a child's mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In my view, TV and video games have harm to theful effects on children's mental health. I strongly dissagree with the statement that "TV and video games are not bad for childs".ren." There are many reasons that lead me to thinking this, which I will explore in the following paragraphs. Firstly, TV shows and video games can be addictive and influence children in bada negative way. For example, many children spend too much times on TV and video games, and not do homework or spend time withneglecting their homework or family time. This is baddetrimental because children need to focus on their studyies and family, not just entertainment. Also, too much TV and video gaFurthermore, excessive screen times can damage their eyes and cause headaches or other health problems in child. ren. Secondly, many TV shows and video game haves contain violence or other not goodinappropriate content. This can negatively influence child in bad wayren, makeing them more violent or thinkaggressive or leading them to believe that violence is normal. For examplinstance, a study shows that children who play violent video games are more likely to be bullyies or exhibit aggressive behaviour in real life. This is biga significant problem because we want children to be kind and peaceful, not violent or aggressive. In conclusion, I strongly disagree that TV and video games are not bad forharmful to children's mental health. TV and video games can influence child in bad way, make themhey can negatively influence children, lead to addictedion, damage their healths, and make them more violencepromote violent behaviour. We need to limit children's time on TV and video games, and make ensure they watch and playengage with appropriate content for their age. Only then we can we protect children's mental health and help them grow up healthy and happy.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear position against the benefits of TV and video games for children's mental health, which is a key strength. However, it lacks depth in exploring the reasons and examples provided, which is a critical area for improvement. The flow of ideas was improved by adding transitional phrases and ensuring a logical sequence of arguments. Grammatical errors were corrected, and vocabulary was enhanced to avoid repetition and awkward constructions. Further improvements could include incorporating specific studies or statistics to support claims and considering counterarguments to strengthen the position. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and transitions between points could be smoother. For instance, using cohesive devices like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the connection between ideas. Improving the logical sequencing of arguments would also contribute to better coherence.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('childs' should be 'children's'), incorrect verb forms ('dissagree' should be 'disagree'), and awkward sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'child' and 'video game'). Additionally, some phrases are awkwardly constructed, such as 'harm to the childs mental health' and 'damage their healths.' To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions, as well as ensure correct pluralization and possessive forms.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position against the benefits of TV and video games for children's mental health. However, it lacks depth in exploring the reasons and examples provided. To improve, the writer could include more specific studies or statistics to support their claims, as well as consider counterarguments to strengthen their position.
5.5

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