Nowadays, experience is more valued in the workplace than knowledge in many countries. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In today's world, the people think experience in the workplace is very important thencompared to knowledge in meany countryies. I agree with some part of this statement, but I also think there are disadvantages. In this essay i, I will discuss about the advantages and disadvantages of valuing experience more thean knowledge in the workplace. One of the advantages of valuing experience over knowledge is that people who have worked for a long time can handle problems better. They hasve seen many different situations and know how to solve them quickly. For example, if a company has a problem with a supplier, someone with experience will know what to do based on past experiences. They don't need to waste time thinking about a solution. However, there are also several disadvantages of focusing too much on experience. Firstly, people with a lot of experience may not have the latest knowledge and skills. In fast-changing industryies like tekchnology, new knowledge is very importeant. If a company only hires people with experience, they may not be able to keep up with the latest trends and fall behind competitor.s. Secondly, valuing experience too much can also limit diversity in the workplace. If a company only hires people with many years of experience, they may all be older and have similar backgrounds. This can lead to a lack of new ideas and perspekctives. A diverse team with people from different ages and backgrounds can bring fresh thinking and innovation. In conclusion, while valuing experience in the workplace has some advantages, iI believe it is important to strike a balance between experience and knowledge. Companies should hire people with a mix of both experience and the latest knowledge and skills. They should also strive for diversity in their workforce to encourage new ideas and thinking. Only then can they can remain competitive in today's fast-changing world.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of valuing experience over knowledge in the workplace. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for clearer argumentation and more specific examples to support claims. The introduction has been revised to better state the position, and the conclusion now summarizes the main points more effectively. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better transitions, and enhancing lexical resource by correcting spelling mistakes and using more appropriate vocabulary. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more detailed examples and elaborating on the points made to enhance depth and clarity. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and a lack of clear transitions between points. For example, the transition from discussing advantages to disadvantages could be smoother. To enhance coherence, the writer should use more cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph logically follows the previous one.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'They has seen' should be 'They have seen') and incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'may not able' should be 'may not be able'). While there is some variety in sentence structure, the errors detract from the overall clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures more effectively.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used in the essay is somewhat limited and contains several spelling errors (e.g., 'meny', 'disavantage', 'importent', 'teknology', 'bakground', 'perspektive', 'inovation'). While some appropriate terms are used, the overall range is not sufficient for a higher score. To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider variety of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of valuing experience over knowledge in the workplace. However, the argument lacks depth and clarity in some areas. For instance, the introduction could be clearer in stating the position, and the conclusion could summarize the main points more effectively. To improve, the writer should provide more specific examples and elaborate on the points made.
6.0

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