Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children play computer games, what are the negative impacts of playing computer games? What can be done to minimize the bad effects?

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, computers hasve become a common thing in many households. As a result, children are exposed to computer games at a very young age. While some people think that playing computer games can be beneficial for children, I believe that it has more negatives impacts than positives ones. One of the main drawbacks of playing computer games is that it can lead to addiction. Children who spend too much time playing games may neglect their studies and other important activities. This can have a negative impact on theyir academic performance and social life. Additionally, excessive gaming can also lead to health problems such as obesity, eye strain, and carpal tunnel syndrome. AFurthermore, another negative aspect of gaming is that it can expose children to inappropriate content. Many games contain violence, sexual content, and other adult themes that are not suitable for young children. This can have a detrimental effect on theyir mental and emotional development. To minimize the negative effects of gaming, parents need to take an active role in monitoring their children's gaming habits. They should set limits on the amount of time their children spend playing games and ensure that they are playing age-appropriate games. Schools can also play a role by educating children about the potential dangers of excessive gaming and encouraging them to engage in other activities. In conclusion, while gaming can be a fun and entertaining activity for children, it is important to be aware of the potential negative impacts. By taking steps to minimize these effects, we can ensure that children can enjoy the benefits of gaming without compromising their health, education, and well-being.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing the negative impacts of computer games and suggesting measures to mitigate these effects. Key strengths include a clear position and relevant examples. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in subject-verb agreement and the use of possessive pronouns. The structure has been maintained, with minor adjustments made to enhance coherence and cohesion, such as adding 'Furthermore' to improve transitions between points. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include incorporating specific examples or statistics to strengthen arguments and varying vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some transitions between sentences could be smoother. For instance, using cohesive devices like 'Furthermore' or 'Moreover' could improve the connection between points. Overall, the coherence is good, but there is room for improvement in cohesion.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'computers has' (should be 'have') and 'to much' (should be 'too much'). Additionally, 'they academic performance' should be 'their academic performance.' These errors affect the clarity and accuracy of the writing, though the overall meaning remains understandable.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with terms like 'addiction,' 'obesity,' and 'inappropriate content' effectively conveying the message. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'negative impacts' and 'children,' which could be varied. Incorporating a wider range of vocabulary would enhance the overall quality.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing the negative impacts of playing computer games and suggesting measures to minimize these effects. The position is clear, and relevant examples are provided. However, the development of ideas could be enhanced with more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
7.5

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