Nowadays more and more older people who need employment have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are the solutions?

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In this modern day, many older persons who iindividuals nseedking jobemployment must competinge against young people for similar work. This creates several issues, but there are also ways to solvinge this problem. The main trouble is that older personindividuals have difficulty finding employment. Companyies often prefer to hire younger candidates, who they see as having more skills and being able to work longer hours. This leaves many senior citizens struggling to find work, even though they have many years of valuable experience. It can be very discouraging and stressful for them. Additionally, when older and younger workers are compete for the same position, it can lead to tension and conflict in the workplace. However, there are several possible solutions to this issue. Firstly, the government could offer incentives to businesses that hire older employees, such as tax breaks or subsidyies. This would encourage companies to value the experience and knowledge that senior workers bring to the table. Secondly, older peopleindividuals could receive training in the use of the latest technologies and methods. This would make them more attractive to potential employers and help them stay relevant in the job market. Finally, companyies could be encouraged to create roles specifically for older workers, such as consultant or mentor positions. This would allow them to contribute their expertise without having to compete directly with younger employee.s. In conclusion, the competition between older and younger job seekers is a growing problem, but it is not insurmountable. By offering incentives, providing training, and creating the specialized roles, we can ensure that senior citizens are able to find meaningful employment and continue to contribute to the workforces.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by identifying the challenges faced by older job seekers and proposing potential solutions. Key strengths include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as a logical flow of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as there are several errors that detract from the overall quality, and the need for more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better transitions, and enhancing lexical resource by using more precise language. For further improvements, the writer could incorporate specific examples or statistics to strengthen their arguments and provide a deeper exploration of the issues. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using phrases like 'on the other hand' or 'in addition' could enhance the flow of ideas.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('older persons who is needing job') and incorrect verb forms ('must competing'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'older persons who is needing job' and 'way to solving this problem.' To improve, the writer could use synonyms or more varied expressions, such as 'older individuals seeking employment' or 'approaches to address this issue.'
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by identifying problems faced by older job seekers and suggesting solutions. However, it lacks depth in exploring the problems and solutions, which could be improved by providing more specific examples or statistics. For instance, discussing the impact of age discrimination in hiring practices could strengthen the argument.
6.5

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