Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, many people choose to have babychildren at a later age in their lifeves. Theire are a few reasons for this trend, which iI will explain. I thinkbelieve there are more advantages thean disadvantages, and iI will sayoutline why. One of the main reasons for having children later is becausethat people want to focus on their careers first. They study for a long time and work hard to getsecure a good job and earn money before starting a family. Another reason is that people enjoying life more before havtaking on the responsibilityies of childrenparenthood. They travel and do, engage in hobbies, and spend time with friends before settling down. There are someeveral advantages forto this trend. Firstly, when parents are older, they tend to have more money and financially stableility, allowing them to provide gooda better life for their children. Secondly, they havepossess more life experience in life and more maturand maturity, which can contribute to raiseing children welleffectively. However, there are also disadvantages. One to consider. One significant disadvantage is the health risks for mother and baby when mother is older. Anoassociated with older mothers and their disadvantage isbabies. Additionally, older parents may have less energy to take care ofor young children when they are older. compared to younger parents. In conclusion, iI believe there are more advantages thean disadvantages to thise trend of having children later in life. Although there are some risks and challenges, overall, it is goodbeneficial for parents to be more established and mature before starting a family. ItThis stability is better for children to have stabl, as they will have a secure home and parents who are ready for the responsibilityies of parenthood.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, addressing the reasons for delayed parenthood and weighing the pros and cons effectively. Key strengths include a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more detailed explanations and examples to support the arguments, as well as a more varied use of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving sentence clarity, and enhancing transitions between points. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples or statistics to strengthen the arguments and using a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat basic, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, phrases like 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' are used, but more varied linking words could enhance the flow. To improve, the writer could incorporate more sophisticated connectors and ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to the main argument.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement ('Their are few reasons'), incorrect article usage ('have baby'), and punctuation issues. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition, such as 'older' and 'children.' Additionally, some phrases are awkwardly constructed, such as 'have baby at late age.' To enhance lexical resource, the writer could use synonyms or more varied expressions, such as 'delayed parenthood' or 'mature parenting.'
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing reasons for having children later in life and weighing the advantages against the disadvantages. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the arguments could be more thoroughly elaborated with specific examples. For improvement, the writer could provide more detailed explanations or examples to support their points, such as statistics on parenting age or personal anecdotes.
6.0

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