Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In the nowadays, more and more people prefer to socialize in online, rather than therough face-to-face communication. I think this is a mostly a negative development in general. There are numerous reasons why I believe this way, which I will explore it in the following essay. One of the main reasons why I think online socializing is not good it's becauses that it makes people more isolated and alone. When you socialize online, you are not meeting people in real life, and you can't have a proper conversation with them. You can't see their faceial expressions or hear their tone of voice, which makes it harder to connect with people emotionally. tThis can lead to loneliness and depression, especially for elderly peoples who may not have many opportunities to meet peopleothers in person. Another bsignificant problem with socializing online is that it can be very addictive. It's easy to spentd hours scrolling through social media or chatting with friends, which can negatively impact on our work and studies. It can also lead to procrastination and decreased productivity, which can have a negativedetrimental effect on our education and goals. Additionally, too much screen time maybe can cause eye strain and headaches. However, there are aloso some benefits to online socializing. It allows us to connect with people from all over athe world and share ideas and perspectives with them. It can also be a useful tool for people who are shy or introverted and find it difficult to socializeengage in face-to-face interactions. For example, iI have a friend named John who is very shy, and he finds it much easier to express himself online than in person. In conclusion, while there are some benefits to online socializing, I believe it is overall a negative development. It can lead to islolation, addiction, and decreased productivity, and it cannot replace the value of face-to-face communication. We should try to limit our time spent socializing online and balance it with real-life interactions.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents both negative and positive aspects of online socializing, which is a key strength. However, the focus is predominantly on the negative side, and the arguments could be further developed with more specific examples and clearer reasoning. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as there were several errors that detracted from the overall quality. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could be enhanced to improve the flow of ideas between paragraphs. The vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there is room for more variety and sophistication in word choice. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between points, and ensuring proper paragraph structure. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more detailed examples of how online socializing affects relationships and incorporating a wider range of vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and analytical style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas could be improved with better transitions between points. For example, the shift from discussing isolation to addiction feels abrupt. Using cohesive devices more effectively, such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition,' could enhance the overall coherence. Additionally, some sentences are quite long and could be broken down for clarity.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('it make people' should be 'it makes people') and incorrect article usage ('the face-to-face communication' should be 'face-to-face communication'). There are also punctuation errors, such as missing capital letters at the beginning of sentences. While the overall meaning is clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and some misused words, such as 'numerus' (should be 'numerous') and 'isloation' (should be 'isolation'). The writer uses some good phrases like 'face-to-face communication' and 'decreased productivity,' but there is room for more variety and sophistication in word choice. To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms and more advanced vocabulary to express ideas more precisely.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the negative and positive aspects of online socializing, but it primarily focuses on the negative side. While the main ideas are presented, they could be developed further with more specific examples and clearer reasoning. For instance, the mention of John as an example is relevant but lacks depth. To improve, the writer could elaborate on how online socializing has affected relationships or provide more concrete examples of its impact.
6.0

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