Nowadays, people expect that automation in business will rapidly take over jobs from people. Why do people think this? Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Part 1 (Academic)
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In recent years, many people are believinge that machines and computers will take many jobs from humans in the business world. I will explain why people have this thinkingbelief and discuss ifwhether this development brings good or bad effects to our society. People are thinking like this because they see how technology is changing very fast around them. In my country, for example, many shops now have self-checkout machines where before there were previously workers helping customers pay for things. Also, when I go to the bank nowadays, I see lessfewer workers there because many people use mobile apps for doing their banking thingneeds. These changes make people worry about their future jobs.employment. I think this development has both positive and negative effects, but maybeperhaps more negative ones. On the goodpositive side, automation helps companies save money and work faster. LikeFor instance, in car factories, robots can work 24 hours without getting tired and make lessfewer mistakes than humans. This makes products cheaper for customers to buy. However, the badnegative effects are more serious, I thinkbelieve. When machines take over jobs, many workeremployees lose their income and cannot support their families. In my city, I know some peopleindividuals who worked as cashiers but lost their jobs because of automatic payment systems. Another problem is that not all workers can easily learn new skills for different jobs. For example, my friend's father worked in a factory for 20 years, but now the factory uses robots. He is findings it very difficult to learn computer skills for a new job. This situation makes many people feel stressed and worried about the future. To conclude, people are concerned about automation because they see it happening already in many places. While it brings some benefits like efficiency and lower prices, I believe the negative effects on workers and their families are more important to think aboutsignificant to consider. Governments should help workers learn new skills and find new jobs when automation takes their old ones.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons behind the belief that automation will take over jobs and evaluating both the positive and negative effects of this development. Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as relevant examples that illustrate the points made. The vocabulary is generally appropriate for the topic, and the ideas are logically sequenced. Critical areas for improvement include enhancing the argument with more specific examples or statistics to support claims, as well as improving grammatical accuracy and variety in vocabulary. The use of cohesive devices could also be more varied to improve the flow between ideas. Structural changes made include correcting verb tenses and subject-verb agreement, as well as refining some phrases for clarity and sophistication. For instance, 'are believing' was changed to 'believe,' and 'good side' was replaced with 'positive side.' Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition and using additional cohesive devices to enhance the flow of the essay. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and analytical style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Ideas are logically sequenced, but some transitions between points could be smoother. For example, using more varied cohesive devices could improve the flow, such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' to connect ideas more effectively.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions, such as 'are believing' instead of 'believe' and 'is finding' instead of 'finds.' These errors occasionally hinder clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct verb tenses and subject-verb agreement.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some good examples of specific terms related to automation and employment. However, there are instances of repetition, such as 'jobs' and 'workers,' which could be varied with synonyms like 'employment' or 'staff.' Additionally, some phrases could be more sophisticated, such as replacing 'good side' with 'advantages.'
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing why people believe automation will take over jobs and evaluates the positive and negative effects of this development. However, the argument could be strengthened with more specific examples and a clearer stance on whether the overall impact is positive or negative. For instance, providing statistics or studies on job loss due to automation would enhance the argument.
7.5

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