Nowadays, there is a greater focus at all levels in education on science and business. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

What this means:

The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, and there are appropriate cohesive devices used to link ideas. However, some transitions could be smoother, and the overall flow could be enhanced by varying the sentence structures. For instance, using more linking phrases could improve the connection between the positive and negative points.

How to improve:

• Use a clear paragraph structure
• Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
• Maintain logical progression
• Use referencing effectively

What this means:

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. However, there are minor errors, such as 'can brings' instead of 'can bring' and 'there have been a growing emphasis' which should be 'there has been a growing emphasis.' These errors do not significantly impede understanding but do detract from the overall accuracy. To improve, the writer should proofread for such grammatical issues.

How to improve:

• Use complex sentence structures
• Maintain grammatical accuracy
• Use a variety of sentence patterns
• Check for common grammar errors

What this means:

The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with terms like 'emphasis,' 'aptitude,' and 'well-rounded education' demonstrating a good range. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'science and business,' which could be replaced with synonyms or paraphrased to enhance lexical variety. Additionally, the phrase 'positives and negatives aspects' should be corrected to 'positive and negative aspects' for grammatical accuracy.

How to improve:

• Use a wider range of vocabulary
• Demonstrate awareness of collocations
• Avoid word repetition
• Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately

What this means:

The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear position that acknowledges both positive and negative aspects of the trend towards focusing on science and business in education. The arguments are relevant and supported by examples, such as the importance of these subjects for career success and the potential neglect of the arts and humanities. To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples or personal experiences to strengthen their arguments further.

How to improve:

• Address all parts of the task fully
• Support ideas with specific examples
• Develop each point thoroughly
• Stay relevant to the topic