Ordinary people often try to copy famous people that they read about in magazines or see on TV. Why do you think this happens? Do you think it is a good idea to copy famous people?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, a lot of people try to imitate celebrities wthat they see on television or in magazines. There isare a couple of reasons for this trend, which I will explain in the following paragraphs. In my opinion, it is not a good idea to copy famous people in this way. There are two main reasons why people try to be like celebrities. Firstly, they want to feel successful and important like the famous person. They think if they dress and act in the same way, they will have a similar lifestyle and achievements. Secondly, people copy celebrities because they are bored with theire own lifeves. They want to escape from reality and pretend to be someone else for a while. However, I believe it is a bad idea to imitate famous people. One reason is that it is not genuine. Everyone should be theremselfves and not try to be someone else. It is important to be authentic and true to yourself. AMoreover, another reason is that celebrities often have unhealthy lifestyles. They may take drugs, drink too much alcohol, or have eating disorders. Copying these behaviours can be very dangerous for ordinary people. In conclusion, many people try to copy celebrities because they want to feel important or escape from theire own lifeves. However, this is not a good idea because it is not authentic and can be unhealthy. We should appreciate our own unique qualities and not try to be like someone else.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing reasons why people imitate celebrities and presents a clear opinion against this behavior. Key strengths include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the development of ideas with specific examples and improving grammatical accuracy. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between ideas, and ensuring proper paragraph separation. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more varied vocabulary and providing specific examples of celebrities or instances where imitation led to negative consequences. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. For example, using cohesive devices such as 'Moreover' or 'In addition' could help in linking ideas more effectively. The structure is clear, but enhancing the connections between points would improve overall cohesion.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors that affect clarity, such as 'what they see' instead of 'that they see' and 'there is couple reasons' instead of 'there are a couple of reasons.' While the meaning is generally clear, improving grammatical accuracy and using more complex sentence structures would enhance the overall quality of the writing.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is adequate but somewhat repetitive, with phrases like 'copy celebrities' and 'famous people' appearing multiple times. There are also some inaccuracies, such as 'there own life' instead of 'their own life.' To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance the sophistication of the language.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing reasons why people imitate celebrities and presents a clear opinion against this behavior. However, the development of ideas could be enhanced with more specific examples or evidence to support the claims made. For instance, citing specific celebrities or instances where imitation led to negative consequences could strengthen the argument.
7.0

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