"Our lifestyles are less healthy than our grandparents'"

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

I do agree that people's lifestyles have become even worse compared before withto those of our grandparents. There are someeveral reasons for this, I think. Firstly, the lifestyle these days is more busybusier. People have to working long hours to makinge money. S, so they do not have not enough time to cooking fresh food and excersizcise. Instead of these, peoples eat fast food and junk food, which is unhealthy and makes them fat. Also theygain weight. Additionally, they often just watch TV or usinge computers in their free time and don't do not engage in physical activity. But inIn the past, however, grandparents had more time and worked lessfewer hours. They also had to do more physical working like in farms or factorys. O, such as farming or working in factories. Another reason is that there is more technology now compared thano before. This makes life very easy for us. We don' not need to walk anywhere,; we can just take a car or, bus, or train. AlsoMoreover, we can order food delivery using apps ion our phone. Ss, so we don' not have to go out. This means we are notless active and justtend to sit all the day. ButIn contrast, for our grandparents, there was not this such technology. They had to walk a lot to go somewhere or had toet to places or go to shops to buy food. Walking is more healthyier than sitting. In conclusion, I believe our life isves are worse than those of our grandparents because we have unhealthy eating fromhabits due to junk food. A, and technology makes us not do enoughreduces our physical activity. To be more healthyier, we need to eat home-cooked meals and also walk more ofter inn throughout the day.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing how modern lifestyles are less healthy than those of grandparents, providing relevant reasons and examples. Key strengths include a clear identification of the issues and a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the development of arguments with clearer examples and improving the flow of ideas through better transitions. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with cohesive devices, and refining vocabulary to avoid repetition and spelling mistakes. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding on specific health impacts of unhealthy eating and sedentary behavior, as well as incorporating a wider range of vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and analytical style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and transitions between points could be smoother. For example, using cohesive devices like 'Moreover' or 'In addition' could enhance the connection between ideas. Improving the logical sequencing of arguments would also help.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms ('have to working', 'to making'), subject-verb agreement issues ('peoples lifestyles'), and awkward constructions. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors affect the overall accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and varying sentence types.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'people' and 'lifestyle'). There are also some spelling errors (e.g., 'excersize', 'fastfood', 'factorys') that detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing how modern lifestyles are less healthy than those of grandparents, providing relevant reasons and examples. However, the argument could be more developed with clearer examples and a more structured approach. For improvement, the writer could elaborate on specific health impacts of unhealthy eating and sedentary behavior.
6.0

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