Overpopulation is the world's most serious environmental problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In my opinion, i amI agree that overpopulation is the most serious environmental problem ofin the world. There are a lot of reasons for this, which I will to explain in this essay. Firstly, when there are too muchany people living in one area, it can cause a lot of pollution. This is because morea larger peopleulation means more cars and factories, which release harmful gases into the air. Additionally, morea higher peopleulation also means more waste, which can pollute the land and water if not disposed of properly. All of this pollution is very bad fordetrimental to the environment and can make it difficult for plants and animals to survive. Secondly, overpopulation can lead to the overconsumption of natural resources. When there are too many people, they needrequire more food, water, and energy to survive. This can put a lot ofsignificant strain on the environment, as forests may be cut down to make room for farmland or housing, and water sources may become depleted. Over time, this can lead to serious environmental problems like deforestation, soil erosion, and water scarcity. In conclusion, I believe that overpopulation is indeed the most serious environmental problem facing our world today. It contributes to pollution and overconsumption of resources, which can have devastating effects on the planet. If we want to protect the environment for future generations, we need to find ways to control population growth and live more sustainably. Furthermore, it is essential to consider other environmental issues that may also arise from overpopulation, such as climate change and loss of biodiversity, to develop a more comprehensive approach to environmental protection.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear opinion that overpopulation is a significant environmental issue, supported by relevant examples such as pollution and resource overconsumption. The strengths of the essay include a logical structure and the development of main ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in subject-verb agreement and sentence structure, as well as the need for a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing transitions between ideas, and adding a brief mention of other environmental issues in the conclusion to provide a more balanced view. For further improvements, the writer could explore counterarguments or alternative perspectives on environmental problems. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of overpopulation, and there are some cohesive devices used, such as 'firstly' and 'secondly.' However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the use of more varied cohesive devices would enhance the overall flow.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as 'i am agree' (should be 'I agree') and 'too much people' (should be 'too many people'). While the overall meaning is clear, these errors detract from the professionalism of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper sentence structure.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with terms like 'pollution,' 'overconsumption,' and 'deforestation.' However, there are instances of repetition, such as 'more people' and 'serious environmental problem.' To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and synonyms to avoid redundancy.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear opinion that overpopulation is a serious environmental problem. It develops main ideas with relevant examples, such as pollution and overconsumption of resources. However, the argument could be strengthened by acknowledging counterarguments or discussing other environmental issues to provide a more balanced view.
7.0

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