People are having more and more sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less?

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

'Nowadays, more and more peoples are drinking sugar-based drinks. There are several reasons for ithis trend, and also have some ways to makencourage people to drink less sugar drinkconsume fewer sugary beverages. The main reasons why a lot of people drinks sugary drinks is because it isare that they are very convienient and affordable. Sugar drinks like cola or soda are available everywhere, in shops, restaureants, vending machines, etc. It is very easy to buy and drinkconsume them. Alsodditionally, sugary drinks are usually cheaper than other drinkbeverages like juice or milk, so many people choose to buy them to save money. Another reason is that sugary drinks have a lot ofare heavily advertisementd and promotioned. People, especially young peopleindividuals, are influenced by the advertisements and want to try these drinks. To makencourage people to drink less sugar drinky beverages, one solution is to increase the price of sugarthese drinks by adding a tax. If the sugary drinks becomes more expensive, lessfewer people will buypurchase them. Another solution is to limit the availability of sugary drinks, for example, not allowing to sell them in schools or near schools. Gby prohibiting their sale in schools or near educational institutions. The government can also control and restrictions the advertisementing of sugary drinks, so that lessfewer people will be influenced to buy them. Education is also important,crucial; people need to know aboutbe aware of the negative effects of drinking too much sugar on their health, so they will choose to drink lesexcessive sugar consumption on their health, which may lead them to choose healthier options. In conclusion, people are drinkconsuming more sugary drinks because it isthey are convenient, cheap, and heavily promoted. To reduce the consumption of sugar drinks,these beverages, the government can take actions likesuch as increasing taxes, limiting availiability and advertisementing, and also educate peopleing the public about the health risks. associated with excessive sugar intake.'
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, addressing both the reasons for increased consumption of sugary drinks and potential solutions. Key strengths of the essay include a logical structure and a coherent flow of ideas. The introduction effectively paraphrases the question, and the body paragraphs provide relevant details. Critical areas for improvement include enhancing the depth of analysis by incorporating specific examples or data, particularly regarding health risks associated with sugar consumption. Additionally, the use of varied cohesive devices could improve transitions between points, and addressing spelling errors and grammatical inaccuracies would enhance overall clarity. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving spelling, and refining sentence structures for better clarity and coherence. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific statistics or studies related to sugar consumption and its health effects, as well as using synonyms to reduce repetition of the term 'sugary drinks.' The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some sentences could be better linked to enhance cohesion. For example, using more varied cohesive devices such as 'furthermore' or 'in addition' could improve the transitions between points. The structure is clear, but the use of cohesive devices could be more sophisticated.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('peoples' instead of 'people', 'drinks' instead of 'drink'), and awkward constructions ('to make people to drink less'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors affect the overall accuracy. Improving grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures would enhance the writing.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'sugar drinks' is used frequently). There are also some spelling errors ('convinient', 'afordable', 'restaurents', 'availibility', 'influence') that detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer could use synonyms or more varied expressions to avoid repetition and ensure correct spelling.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing reasons for the increased consumption of sugar-based drinks and proposing solutions. However, it lacks depth in the analysis of reasons and solutions, which could be improved by providing more specific examples or data. For instance, mentioning specific health risks associated with sugar consumption would strengthen the argument.
6.0

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