People from rural areas are moving to cities, and this is causing the population in the countryside to decrease. What are the reasons behind this phenomenon? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Part 2
4.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, people from villages and countries are moving to big cityies. This eaffects the population of countrysides, and many of them are getting less and less people living there. There are some reasons why this is happening, and iI will discus ifs whether this is a positive or negative thing. One reason is that people want to find the jobs. In citysies, there are many factoryies and offices, so its more easy is easier to find work. But inHowever, in the countrysides, there are not so muchany opportunities for Jjobs. Another reason peoples move to cities is for educashtion. The best universityies and schools are all in big citysies, so if one wants a good educastion for self othemselves or their children, theny must move. A third reason is for entertainement and doengaging int interesting things. In cityactivities. In cities, there are always new restaurants, malls, and moovies to go but villagenjoy, while villages can be more boring. I think this is both Pa positive and negative developement. It is good because it helps people have a better livfe with more money and, educastion, and fun. BuHowever, it its Bbad because villages become empty, and often only old people only onesare left living there. Alsodditionally, agriculture and farming get damagedcan suffer if everyone leaves the countryside. In the countriyside, the air moreis cleaner and healthyier, but cities are very pollute. d. In concluseion, iI think its ok is acceptable if some people move to cities, but it is important that not everyone go. Needes. There needs to be a balance of peoples in both areas for the country to be strong. GThe government should givprovide more support to villages so that people want to stay there.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and presents a mixed opinion on rural to urban migration. Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The writer addresses the task by discussing reasons for migration and presents both positive and negative aspects of this trend. Critical areas for improvement include the need for more developed ideas and specific examples to support the arguments. The flow of ideas could be enhanced with better transitions and cohesive devices. Additionally, the vocabulary used is quite basic, and there are several spelling and grammatical errors that detract from the overall quality of the writing. Structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, improving grammatical accuracy, and enhancing the clarity of ideas. Transition phrases were added to improve coherence between points. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include using a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to enhance the overall sophistication of the writing. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and transitions between points could be smoother. For example, using cohesive devices like 'furthermore' or 'in addition' would enhance the connection between ideas. Improving the logical sequencing of arguments would also help.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'geting', 'hapening', 'oportunities'). Sentence structures are often simple and lack variety. To enhance this score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of grammatical structures accurately and proofreading for common errors.
4.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is quite basic and contains several spelling errors (e.g., 'vilages', 'contries', 'educashion', 'entertanement'). While some relevant terms are used, the overall range is limited. To improve, the writer should aim to use more varied and sophisticated vocabulary, ensuring correct spelling and appropriateness for the context.
4.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing reasons for rural to urban migration and presents a mixed opinion on whether this is a positive or negative development. However, the ideas are not fully developed, and some points lack clarity and depth. For improvement, the writer could provide more specific examples and elaborate on the implications of the migration on both urban and rural areas.
5.0

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