People in many countries are spending less time with families. What are the reasons and effects of this?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In the pasrecent years, peoples in many countryies have been spending less time with their families. There isare many reasons for this trend, and it has several effects on society and family life. This essay will discuss some of the main reasons and effects of this issue. One of major reason why people are spending less time with their familyies is because ofdue to work pressure. In today's fast-paced world, many peoples have to work long hours to meet the demands of their jobs and to earn enough money to support their families. This means that they have less time to spend with their families, especially during weekdays. Additionally, some peopleFurthermore, some individuals have to work in different cities or even countries, which makes it difficult for them to see their families regularly. Another reason is the increasing use of technology and social media. Many people, especially the younger generation, spend a losignificant amount of time on their smartphones or computers, chatting with friends or browsing the internet. This can take awaydetract from the time they could be spending with their families, even when they are physically present in the same room. The effects of spending less time with family can be significant. One effect is that family bonds may become weaker over time. Children may feel neglected or disconnected from their parents, which can lead to behaviorural problems or emotional issues. Couples may also drift apart if they do not spend enough quality time together, which can lead to relationship problems or even divorce. Another effect is that children may not receive the guidance and support they need from their parents. Parents play a crucial role in teaching their children values, manners, and life skills. If they do not spend enough time with their children, they may not be able to provide this important guidance, which can affect the children's development and future success. In conclusion, there are several reasons why people in many countries are spending less time with their families, including work pressure and technology use. This trend can have negative effects on family relationships and child development. It is important for individuals and society as a whole to recognizse the importance of family time and to make efforts to prioritizse it.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing the reasons and effects of people spending less time with their families. Key strengths include a clear structure and logical flow of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary variety, and the inclusion of specific examples to support the arguments. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing transitions between ideas, and improving the clarity of the introduction. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific statistics or studies to strengthen the argument and varying the vocabulary further to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be improved for better clarity. For example, using more cohesive devices like 'furthermore' or 'in addition' could enhance the connection between ideas. The structure is clear, but the use of linking phrases could be more varied.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('peoples in many country have been spend less time') and incorrect verb forms ('is because of work pressure'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is adequate but somewhat repetitive, with phrases like 'spending less time' and 'work pressure' appearing multiple times. There are also some inaccuracies, such as 'peoples' instead of 'people' and 'country' instead of 'countries.' To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions, such as 'family dynamics' or 'work-life balance.'
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing reasons and effects of people spending less time with their families. However, it could benefit from more specific examples to support the points made. For instance, citing statistics or studies on family time could strengthen the argument. Additionally, the introduction could be clearer in stating the main points that will be discussed.
7.0

Related Writing Samples

Part 2
5.0

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

Part 2
6.5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
8.0

We have become a disposable society, preferring to buy new products rather than fixing existing items. What are the causes of this trend and what are the possible solutions?

Part 2
5.5

The tendency that news reports in media focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
7.0

Today single-use products are still very common. Why is this? What are the problems associated with this?

Part 2
6.5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?