People live longer today and so people should stay in the workforce longer. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In these days, people are living more longer than before. For this reason, some people think that they should continue working for more time. I ama longer period. I agree with this opinion to some extent., as there are both advantages and disadvantages to consider. On the one hand, there are someeveral benefits if people stay in the workforce for a longer timeperiod. Firstly, they can contribute more to the society with their skills and experience. For example, older workers can teach younger colleagues and share their knowledge. This can help to improve the productivity of the company or organization. In addition, if people work for more years, they can save more money for their retirement. This can reduce the financial burden on the government and society. On the other hand, there are also some drawbacks tof people working for a longer timeperiod. One of the main disadvantages is that it may be difficult for older workers to adapt to new technologies and changes in the workplace. They may struggle to keep up with the pace of work and may require more training and support. Moreover, if people work for too long, it can have a negative impact on their health and well-being. They may experience more stress and fatigue, which can lead to health problems. In conclusion, while there are some benefits tof people staying in the workforce for a longer timeperiod, there are also some disadvantages to consider. I believe that people should have the choice to work for as long as they want, but they should also be supported to retire when they are ready. The government and employers should provide more flexible working arrangements and support for older workers to help them to continue working if they wish to do so.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and addresses both sides of the argument regarding older individuals staying in the workforce longer. Key strengths of the essay include a well-organized structure with distinct paragraphs that separate different ideas, as well as relevant examples that support the main points. The writer also attempts to present a balanced view, which is essential for Task 1 responses. Critical areas for improvement include clarifying the writer's position more definitively, as the phrase 'to some extent' lacks specificity. Additionally, the essay contained grammatical errors and awkward phrases that detracted from its overall quality. The use of varied vocabulary and cohesive devices could also be enhanced to improve the flow of the writing. Structural changes made include correcting awkward phrases such as 'for longer time' to 'for a longer period' and ensuring grammatical accuracy, such as changing 'I am agree' to 'I agree.' Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific examples or statistics to strengthen arguments and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical ability. The tone used in the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with clear paragraphs that separate different ideas. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and some sentences feel slightly disjointed. For example, the phrase 'for longer time' is awkward and could be replaced with 'for a longer period.' Using more varied cohesive devices would enhance the flow of the essay.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as 'I am agree' instead of 'I agree' and 'for longer time' instead of 'for a longer time.' While the overall meaning is clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and varying sentence types to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical ability.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, but there are instances of repetition, such as 'longer time' and 'more time.' Additionally, phrases like 'more longer' are incorrect and should be replaced with 'longer.' To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions to convey their ideas more effectively.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of older individuals staying in the workforce longer. However, the position is somewhat unclear, as the writer states agreement 'to some extent' without elaborating on the extent of this agreement. To improve, the writer could clarify their stance more definitively and provide stronger supporting arguments.
6.5

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