People think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Some people are believinge that it is the responsaibility of parents to ltearnch their children how to be a good persons in themembers of society. However, others think that schools must to teach this. In my opinion, iI agree with the latter view. This essays will explain my reasons for mythis opinion. To begin, schools are the best places for teaching children to becaome a good members of the society. This is because, schools have many different students from various backgrounds. So, cChildren can learn to interact with different kinds of people and understand the diversity of society. Moreover, schools have trained teachers who can teach important social values like cooperation, respekct, and tolerance to the students in a systematic ways. For example, teachers can use group projects and activities to teach teamwork and collaboration skills. Secondly, parents may not have enough time or skills to properly teach their children about beeing a good members of the society. Many parents are working long hours and have limited time to spend with their children. They may not have the knowledge or experience to teach important social skills. In contrast, schools have dedicated time and resources to focus on teaching these skills to students. In the conclusion, while parents play an important role in their children's lifeves, I believe that schools are the best place to teach children how to be good members of society. Schools provide a diverse environment, trained teachers, and a systematic approach to teaching important social skills and values.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear argument regarding the roles of parents and schools in teaching children to be good members of society. Key strengths include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as a logical flow of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include addressing spelling and grammatical errors, enhancing the depth of arguments with more specific examples, and improving coherence through better transitions. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving spelling, and refining phrasing for clarity. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more detailed examples to support the arguments and using a wider range of vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear transitions. For instance, the phrase 'In contrast' could be better linked to the previous point. To enhance coherence, the writer should use more cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates some grammatical range, but there are numerous errors that affect clarity, such as incorrect verb forms ('are believing', 'must to teach'), subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. For example, 'this essays will explain reasons for my opinion' should be 'this essay will explain my reasons.' To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and ensuring subject-verb agreement.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'responsability', 'diffrent', 'respekt', 'proper', 'beeing', 'resurces') that detract from the overall quality. Additionally, the use of phrases like 'good persons in the society' could be improved for clarity. To enhance lexical resource, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately and avoiding repetitive language.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by presenting both views on whether parents or schools should teach children to be good members of society. However, it lacks depth in exploring the arguments and could benefit from more specific examples and clearer reasoning. To improve, the writer could elaborate on the points made and provide more concrete examples to support their opinion.
6.0

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."