People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In my view, I completely disagree with this statement that people unhealthy people should pay more for healthcare. Because, as it is not fair forto them. First of all, healthcare is a basic right for every peopleindividual in the world. It does not matter if they are healthy or not,; the government should provide them the same quality of healthcare as everyone else. It is not their fault if they have an unhealthy lifestyle, maybe; perhaps they are poor and cannot afford healthy food or a gym membership. Maybe theAdditionally, they may work long hours and do not have time for exercise. SoTherefore, it is not right to punish them by making them pay more for healthcare. Secondly, if we make unhealthy peopleindividuals pay more, it will only makexacerbate their health worseissues. They will not be able to afford the care they need, and their condition will gdet worseriorate. This is not good fordetrimental to society as a whole. It is better to help them to improve their health rather than punish them. For instance, studies have shown that providing access to affordable healthcare can lead to better health outcomes and reduced long-term costs for society. In conclusion, I strongly believe that everyone should have access to the same quality of healthcare, regardless of their lifestyle. GThe government should focus on helping people to improve their health, not punishing them for being unhealthy.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear opinion against the notion that unhealthy individuals should pay more for healthcare, which is a key strength. However, it lacks depth in developing arguments and providing specific examples to support the claims. The use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are several spelling and grammatical errors that detract from the overall quality. The corrected version addresses these issues by improving spelling, grammar, and coherence through better transitions and clearer sentence structures. Key strengths of the essay include a clear stance on the issue and a logical flow of ideas. Critical areas for improvement involve enhancing the depth of arguments with specific examples or statistics, improving vocabulary variety, and correcting grammatical errors. Further improvements could include incorporating more varied vocabulary and additional examples to strengthen the arguments. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences could be better linked to enhance clarity. For instance, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could help in transitioning between points more smoothly.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and awkward sentence structures (e.g., 'health are is basic right'). These errors affect the clarity of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is adequate but somewhat repetitive, with terms like 'health care' and 'unhealthy' appearing multiple times. There are also several spelling errors (e.g., 'disagre', 'statment', 'falt', 'aford', 'helth') that detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling.
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear opinion against the idea that unhealthy individuals should pay more for healthcare. However, it lacks depth in developing arguments and providing specific examples to support the claims. To improve, the writer could include statistics or studies that illustrate the impact of socioeconomic factors on health and access to care.
6.0

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