People who live in large cities face a range of problems in their daily life. What are the main problems people in cities face, and how can these problems be tackled? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Sample Essay with Corrections
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The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by identifying two main problems faced by people in large cities: population density and a fast-paced lifestyle. The strengths of the essay include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more thorough development of ideas, specific examples, and clearer explanations of how these problems affect daily life. The corrected version addresses grammatical errors, awkward phrasing, and spelling mistakes, enhancing coherence and cohesion. Transition words and phrases were added to improve the flow of ideas. Further improvements could include incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and varied sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of writing. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is limited, which affects the overall clarity. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect word forms (e.g., 'peoples', 'aggression'). Sentence structures are often simple and lack variety, which limits the overall grammatical range. To improve, the writer should practice using more complex sentence structures and ensure grammatical accuracy throughout their writing.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'people', 'city', 'problems') and some spelling errors (e.g., 'sity', 'mane', 'uncomfertable'). The writer demonstrates an attempt to use varied vocabulary, but more sophisticated word choices and idiomatic expressions could elevate the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the task by identifying two main problems faced by people in large cities: population density and a fast-paced lifestyle. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples and clearer explanations of how these problems affect daily life. To improve, the writer could provide more detailed examples or statistics to support their claims.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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