People will become unhealthy in the future. What do you think?

Part 2
7.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In this modern world, people are becoming more and more unhealthy in their lifestyles. There are many reasons for this trend, which I will discuss in this essay. Firstly, the main reason is that people are eatconsuming more junk food than ever before. Fast food restaurants are very popular, and they are opening up everywhere. People are eating burgers, pizzas, and french fries instead of healthynutritious meals. They are also drinking a lot of sugary drinkbeverages like soda and energy drinks. These foods are high in calories and low in nutrients, which leads to obesity and other health problems. For instance, recent statistics indicate that obesity rates have doubled in the last two decades, highlighting the severity of this issue. Secondly, people are not getting enough exercise. Many peopleindividuals have sedentary jobs where they sit at a desk all day. They also spend a loAdditionally, they spend a significant amount of time watching TV or playing video games. They are not going outside and being, which further reduces their physical activeity. This lack of physical activitymovement is contributing to the growing problem of obesity and poor health. Moreover, the combination of poor dietary choices and insufficient exercise creates a vicious cycle that is difficult to break. In conclusion, I believe that people will continue to become unhealthy in the future unless they change their lifestyles. They need to eat more healthy foods and get more exerciseconsume more nutritious meals and engage in regular physical activity. If they don't make these changes, they will face serious health problems in the years to come.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons behind unhealthy lifestyles and presents a clear position on the issue. Key strengths include a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, as well as appropriate vocabulary usage. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific examples or data to strengthen the argument, smoother transitions between ideas, and a reduction in repetitive phrases. Structural changes made include the addition of a statistic to enhance the argument and improved transitions between the discussion of junk food and lack of exercise. Further improvements could involve incorporating more complex sentence structures and varied grammatical forms to enhance the overall sophistication of the writing. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ideas are logically sequenced, and cohesive devices such as 'firstly' and 'secondly' are used appropriately. However, the transitions between some ideas could be smoother to improve overall flow. For example, linking the discussion of junk food directly to the lack of exercise could create a more cohesive argument.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar, with mostly accurate sentence structures. There are minor errors, such as the lack of variety in sentence beginnings and some awkward phrasing, but these do not significantly impede understanding. To enhance this score, the writer could incorporate more complex sentence structures and varied grammatical forms.
7.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with terms like 'sedentary,' 'obesity,' and 'nutrients' demonstrating a good range. However, there is some repetition of phrases such as 'healthy foods' and 'unhealthy lifestyles.' To improve, the writer could use synonyms or more varied expressions to avoid redundancy, such as 'nutritious meals' or 'poor dietary choices.'
7.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively by discussing the reasons why people are becoming unhealthy and presents a clear position on the issue. However, it could benefit from more specific examples or data to strengthen the argument. For instance, citing statistics on obesity rates or health issues related to poor diet could enhance the depth of the discussion.
7.5

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