Popular hobbies and interests change over time and are more a reflection of trends and fashions than an indication of what individuals really want to do in their spare time. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer.

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, the hobbies of persons isindividuals are changing faster than ever before. Some people think that this is because of thedue to fashion and the trends, not because of the personrather than the individuals themselfves. I partly agree towith this opinion. I On one hand, trends are affectingsignificantly influence the choosingice of hobbies ofor many people. For example, when the new technology come toies enter the market like, such as smartphones or video games, many peopleindividuals, espeacially the young ones, start to useer generation, begin to engage with them more and morefrequently in their free time. This is not realnecessarily their choisce, but rathe choise of the market and the trends. Sor a reflection of market trends. Therefore, in this case, the hobbies aremay not a real reflection of the persontruly represent the individuals' authentic interests. On the other hand, many personindividuals have hobbies that are not related to theinfluenced by current trends. For examplinstance, some people like toenjoy reading books or to painting, even if this is not verese activities are not particularly popular these odays. So, fFor these personindividuals, their hobbies are a realgenuinely reflection of their personalityies and their interests. They are not following the fashion, but; instead, they are dopursuing what they really liketruly enjoy in their spare time. In conclusion, I believe that it depends on the person. For some people, thethe relationship between hobbies and trends depends on the individual. For some, hobbies are more closely related to the trends, butwhile for others, the hobbiesy are a realtrue indication of their interests. It is not possible to generalize, becauseas each person is differentunique and has different reasmotivations for choosing a hobby.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, which is a key strength. The structure is logical, with distinct paragraphs for each main point, and the conclusion effectively summarises the argument. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy and lexical variety. The use of 'persons' is repetitive and should be replaced with 'individuals' or 'people' for better flow. Additionally, spelling errors such as 'fasion' and 'speacially' detract from the overall quality. The structural changes made include refining the introduction for clarity, enhancing transitions between paragraphs, and correcting grammatical errors. For further improvements, the writer could incorporate more specific examples or statistics to support their arguments and vary their vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the transitions between ideas could be improved. Phrases like 'on one hand' and 'on the other hand' are used, but more varied cohesive devices would enhance the flow. For example, using 'furthermore' or 'in contrast' could help in linking ideas more effectively.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('hobbies of persons is changing') and awkward phrasing ('the choise of the market'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors affect the overall accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and ensure subject-verb agreement, as well as proofreading for minor mistakes.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are some repetitive words such as 'persons' and 'hobbies.' Additionally, there are spelling errors like 'fasion' and 'speacially' that detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer could use synonyms or more sophisticated vocabulary, such as 'individuals' instead of 'persons' and 'interests' instead of 'hobbies' in some instances.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, agreeing partly with the statement. However, it could benefit from more developed arguments and examples. For instance, elaborating on how trends influence hobbies with specific examples or statistics could strengthen the argument. Additionally, a clearer thesis statement in the introduction would enhance clarity.
6.5

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